


Your Fault

by AgnesTomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 29,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgnesTomlinson/pseuds/AgnesTomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone fucking knows and there is not a thing Louis can do about it. They heard about it, someone knew and told everyone. It was something personal and Louis didn't want anyone to know. But everyone at school knew and now he had to go back there. It's not fair and all Louis wants is to forget. Forget about /him/ and everything he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first day was awful and everyone was looking and whispering. Louis couldn't stand it and he had no idea how he would manage the rest of the year. He had quit his part in the football team so he didn't have to meet _his_ friends, it was stupid 'cause they were Louis' friends too. But he was scared, he was scared they were on Mike's side. If they were Louis would get killed, that was for sure.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hand as he walked over to the table where his 'real' friends sat, the one's he really could count on; Zayn, Liam and Niall though there was someone else sitting there too. He had curly brown hair and green eyes, even though he was sitting Louis could tell he was really tall. Louis smiled lightly as his friends greeted him when he sat down.

"Hey Lou, this is Harry. He and his mom moved here for like a month ago or something." Niall said and the curly lad named Harry smiled at Louis showing off two dimples Louis had had no idea existed. Harry waved and said hi in a low dark voice. Louis just smiled at him before looking down at his food, not feeling any hunger. His appetite had been bad lately and his mom was worrying herself crazy. Louis pushed around the food on his plate, not eating but listening while his friends talked loudly. As he looked up again he noticed a pair of green eyes staring at him. When Harry noticed Louis' gaze he looked away quickly and Louis sighed mentally, obviously Harry knew what happened too.

The rest of the day passed quite slowly but at least Louis had most of his classes with either Niall, Zayn or Liam. People didn't stop staring and whispering though and Louis hated it but it wasn't until his last class someone from outside his group talked to him. It was Stan from the football team, one of the guys Louis had counted as a close friend but he was also the one who set up Louis with Mike.

Louis was getting his books out from his locker when Stan walked up.

"You're such a moron, getting Mike arrested for having sex with you? What the fuck is that!? Calling it a rape when you guys have fucked plenty of times! What is wrong with you?!" he screamed and Louis glared at him and slammed his locker shut.

"You have no idea what you're talking about so leave me the fuck alone!"

"I know exactly what I'm talking about! You got my friend arrested! You fucking ruined his life!" that's when Harry came and Louis lost it. He was the one who threw the first punch, hitting Stan in the face. Stan stumbled back a few steps before collecting himself again and then hell broke loose. Punches and kicks were thrown everywhere but Louis felt no pain, he only felt anger. He heard Harry's panicked voice telling them to stop and he heard the other students cheer on them. Louis didn't understand how but suddenly Stan had him pinned on the ground, straddling Louis.  _His eyes were dark with lust as he threw Louis on the bed climbing on top of him and pinning Louis' hands over his head. Louis screamed at him to stop but he was stronger and..._

"STOP IT! HE'S PANICKING! STOP IT!" the hands let go of Louis and the extra weigh left him. Louis remained on the floor looking up at the ceiling. He tried to take deep breaths but he felt the panic tighten his chest, making his breaths come out in small pants. He closed his eyes and counted in his head, one -inhale-, two -exhale-, three -inhale-, four -exhale-, five -in-, six -out-, seven -in-, eight -out-, nine -in, ten -out-. Louis opened his eyes again and were once again met by the green ones that belonged to no one else than Harry. Harry gave Louis a weak smile and reached a pale hand towards Louis. Louis took it with a little hesitation and let Harry help him stand up.

"Do you want to go to the school nurse?" Louis shook his head and noticed that almost everyone had left for class by now. That was when he started to feel the pain in his face and stomach.

"No but um don't you have class now?"

"It doesn't matter I wasn't going to just leave you while you had a panic attack." Louis gave Harry a small smile and nodded.

"Okay, would you mind following me to the bathroom so I can clean up my face?" Louis asked and Harry smiled.

"Lead the way."


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the week went by quickly and when Thursday came by Louis hadn't gotten any new troubles with Stan.People had left him alone but Louis could still feel their stares and hear their whispers. It didn't matter though 'cause Louis was happy, it was his last class of the day -who wouldn't be happy.

A tap on his shoulder made Louis snap out of his thoughts and turn to Harry who he had history together with. Harry smiled brightly at him and handed Louis a small note.  _'Wanna come over tonight? Mom is making fajitas. :)x_ ' The 'x' in the end made Louis feel bad but he nodded at Harry, silently telling him that 'Yes I would like that.'. Harry's smile grew before he turned his attention back to the teacher. Louis smiled and looked down at his notepad. Harry was a nice friend and Louis liked him a lot, as a friend. But Louis was afraid that Harry's feelings went deeper than so. Louis couldn't help but notice the blush that covered Harry's cheeks every time Louis touched him or gave him a compliment , or the way Harry's smile widened every time Louis entered the room or the adoration that showed in Harry's eyes every time he looked at Louis. It was quite cute and made Louis happy but Louis wasn't looking for a relationship, not this soon after Mike.

Louis sighed and shook his head to himself. Harry was a great friend but that was it. Harry knew what happened, he would understand why Louis wouldn't date him. If it so that Harry liked Louis in that way, Louis might be wrong. Maybe Louis just thought too much. Harry probably only liked Louis as a friend. Maybe there were no deeper feelings, Louis probably misread all the blushes and stares. Maybe it was so that Harry thought Louis liked Harry in that way! Harry knew Louis was gay, it was no secret the whole school knew, but Harry might read too much into the touches Louis gave and all the compliments. Louis was a touchy person, he liked people (usually), and he had no problem with telling people when he liked something. It was in Louis' personality but maybe Harry didn't know that.

"Are you coming or what?" Harry smirked at him and Louis blinked as he realized that every other student already had left. Time went fast when you have a lot on your mind.

"Yea, sure."

The walk to Harry's house was rather short. The garden was surrounded by a blue fence the garden had a lot of nice flowers, some bushes and two trees. Some of the things looked like they had to be taken care of but it looked very nice since they had only lived there for about a month. The house itself was white painted with blue window edges and house edges. Harry smiled shyly as he opened the door and called out that he was home. A few seconds later a woman with dark hair and a big smile entered the hall.

"Oh you must be Louis! I'm Anne, Harry's mom." Louis smiled at her and said a quiet 'Hello'. Both of the boys took off their jackets and Anne spoke up.

"How was your day Harry? Still no thoughts of sel..-"

"-It was fine mom!" Harry cut her off and gave her a strict glare before turning to Louis. "Wanna go upstairs?" Louis nodded and followed Harry as he tried not to think too much about why Harry had cut his mom off. If Harry had wanted Louis to know he would tell him and if he didn't Louis had to accept that, which he did. Harry could have secrets if he wanted to. It was not in Louis' business.

Harry's room was not what Louis had expected (not that Louis had wondered a lot about Harry's room, maybe a bit too much but he would never admit that.). The room had light vanilla coloured walls and on the walls hung a lot of pictures that seemed to be taken by either Harry or someone he knew. The pictures were of a bit whatever, a flower, sunrise, sea, some people, a girl who looked like Harry and a lot more. Louis walked up to the picture of the girl.

"Is this your sister?" the girl seemed to be around seventeen by the time the photo was taken. Her hair was light brown and straight unlike Harry's chocolate brown and curly hair. But her eyes were just as green as Harry's eyes were and there were dimples on both sides of her smile. She was pretty.

"Yes, that's Gemma. She's off for Uni now so I don't see her a lot." Harry explained with a soft smile. So the picture was a couple of years old then.

"Have you taken all photos or has someone else?" Louis asked and Harry nodded.

"I've taken all of them." Harry went over to a drawer and took out an expensive looking camera.

"You like photographing?"

"I love it, it's like capturing a moment or a feeling so you can keep it close forever. You can look back at it whenever." suddenly Harry snapped a picture of Louis were he stood, still looking at the pictures that covered the walls. He turned to Harry and smiled questionably.

"So you thought this was a moment worth capturing?"

"You just looked very pretty." both of the lads blushed when they realized what Harry had said.

"Thank you, I guess." Louis said with a shy smile and Harry shook his head.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel awkward."

"Oh not at all, you just surprised me. Took me off guard you know."

"Okay but I really do um think you're pretty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the second chapter, hope you liked it :)x


	3. Chapter 3

"Friday, 8pm, my house don't miss it." Liam said and Louis smiled at him.  
"Does your parents know you're throwing a party?" Louis asked teasingly and Liam shook his head.  
"They're not going to find out either." Harry bit his lip and sighed  
"How many will be there?"  
"A lot, but don't worry you will recognize most of them."  
"So you'll invite the football team?" Louis asked with a sigh and Liam nodded and smiled sadly.  
"They're the ones who fixes all hot girls and alcohol."  
"You can't even drink." Louis reminded and now it was Liam's time to sigh. His kidney was still not working as it should and he had to keep away from alcohol if he didn't want to end up on the IC.   
"I'm not drinking either." Harry said quietly and Louis smiled while the other raised their eyebrows.  
"Why not?" Zayn asked and Harry shrugged but Louis saw the small panic in his eyes. Louis saw how Harry avoided eye contact and gulped, small things that no one else noticed. Louis had always been good at reading of peoples body language to see how they felt. And right now Harry was nervous.  
"I um I've never been much of a drinker." lies, Louis got caught Harry's gaze but Harry lowered his quickly. Louis sighed and nodded.   
"Wait you don't like to drink!?" Niall pretty much shouted and a few heads turned our way. Harry's shoulders sank and he kept looking down. Louis shook his head and looked at Niall.  
"Leave the lad alone, he doesn't want to drink, end of story. I won't drink any alcohol either." Louis announced and Harry smiled thankfully at him. Louis smiled back though his head was going on overdrive, why didn't Harry want to drink? Did he have any problems with alcohol? Had his mom banned him from drinking? Did he have bad experience with alcohol? It was many questions but none of them was something Louis should bother asking. Harry could tell if he wanted to and it was quite clear that Harry didn't want to share why he didn't drink. He might have no reason at all, maybe he just didn't like alcohol. Louis really had to stop wondering and worrying so much about Harry, it was not good for him. But Harry was his friend now and Louis wanted to know everything about him.  
***  
The party was already running wild when Louis arrived. The garden was full of people and the house was absolutely crowded. Louis squeezed his way through the people and spotted a head full with brown curls when he got to the kitchen. Louis smiled lightly at Harry and Harry managed to give Louis a small smile though he looked like he was about to vomit.  
"Hey, are you alright?" Louis asked worriedly and Harry nodded.  
"Yeah it's just a lot of people here."  
"Liam's parties are usually very big and since this is the first for this school year everyone wants to come. Celebrate that we made it through the first week and that this is actually our last first week at this school. This time next year we will be at a new school." Harry nodded and gave Louis a glass filled with something.  
"It's only soda." Harry said and Louis smiled as he sipped on it.The taste was sweet and bubbly, probably more sugar than anything else. Louis grimaced slightly and sat the glass down again.  
"Do you know where the others are?" Louis asked loudly trying to make Harry hear him over the loud music, apparently it worked 'cause Harry answered.  
"Um well Zayn was outside smoking when I came and Liam and Niall were in the livingroom I think." Louis nodded and looked around for any familiar faces. Most of the people went to the school or knew Liam so Louis knew most of them but then there was uni students and friends to others that Louis had no idea of who they were.  
He made eye contact with Harry and motioned for him to follow as Louis walked back into the crowd of people. On the couch in one of the corners sat Liam and Niall, snogging. Louis smiled and walked over to them but turned around to see if Harry was following him, which he wasn't to Louis' surprise. Louis groaned but walked back to the kitchen to see Harry sitting in the same spot as earlier.  
"Why didn't you follow me?"  
"Too much people." Harry muttered and looked down while blushing. Louis only shook his head and sighed.  
"Want to get out of here? We can take a walk or something. Niall and Liam are busy sucking each other faces off either way." Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
"Liam and Niall?!"  
"Yeah they usually hook up under parties when Niall's drunk. But they both love the other but are too stupid to admit it." Louis shrugged and started walking to the door. "Are you going to diss me again or will you join me?"  
Harry stood up and walked over to Louis. "I think I'll join you."  
They ended up walking to a park and sitting down in the grass. It was a few blocks from Liam's house but they could no longer hear the loud music or voices from drunk people. They sat quiet for a while and Louis shivered lightly, cursing under his breath because of course he forgot his jacket.  
"Have you lived here for, like, your whole life?" Harry asked suddenly and Louis' shook his head.  
"Believe it or not but I lived the first two years of my life in French, a village called Beaune. We moved from there when my dad left so I've lived almost my entire life here." Harry nodded and smiled.  
"Cool."  
"I guess, what about you: Why did you move here?" Louis asked and Harry sighed.  
"I um. My mom thought I needed a new start, which I guess I did. But well I trusted the wrong people and got into a bad place, did some bad stuff and broke myself down pretty much. I did something really stupid in the beginning of the summer and my mom didn't hesitate to start looking for new places to live. We ended up here and well yeah that's pretty much it." Louis nodded trying to figure out what Harry could have done but ended up blank. Maybe he was a drug dealer or something.  
"We all do mistakes that's for clear. Trusting the wrong person is easy when you have no idea who else to trust." Louis said with a sigh, remembering that he did some stupid things this summer too and trusted the wrong person. Harry looked at him with big green eyes that held innocence that Louis would never understand.  
"What they say is true then? About you and that guy?" Louis rolled his eyes and sighed again.  
"Not everything they say, they've got most of it wrong. But yeah 'that guy' was my boyfriend and it ended badly for both of us. He's in jail somewhere for..I have no idea for how long and I'm left at school with everyone thinking they know exactly what happened."  
"How did they even find out?" Harry pushed and for some reason Louis wasn't annoyed with him. He could understand Harry's curiosity and he knew he could trust Harry.  
"It was in the local paper, not much happens here and everyone pretty much knows everyone so it wasn't hard to find out. Zayn dragged me to the police and I told them everything then they arrested Mike so they could question him. They searched through his place and I got checked at the hospital, the odds where on my side so he got sentenced and now he's gone." Louis skipped the hard parts like how they had to sew in his ass 'cause something was 'broken' as the nurse had said. A few stitches would fix it but Louis himself was still broken not a hundred of stitched could ever fix him. He didn't tell Harry about the waiting before court or how he hadn't dared to go outside in fear to see anyone who knew. He had pretty much avoided the outside world, except from Niall, Liam and Zayn who had come around more often than not. Louis' mother had been worried sick and his sister still didn't know nor understand what happened to their brother. Louis hadn't tried to explain, they were young and it didn't matter.   
"It must be hard to have everyone knowing and to know that some of them are mad at you for sending Mike to jail. Like it was your fault or something." Louis only nodded and sighed.  
"I would like to move but I know my mom and sisters likes it here and I'll move next year either way. But to get a new start as you did would've been nice. To come as the new kid no one knows anything about."  
"That was what I wanted; a new start where no one could judge me for my earlier actions." as much as Louis would like to know what Harry's 'earlier actions' were he could not bring himself to ask. Harry could tell if he wanted to and Louis was sure Harry knew this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a quite long chapter, I hope. Please tell me what you think so far :)x


	4. Chapter 4

The day after the party they helped Liam to clean up. It was unbelievable how much teenagers could mess up in a matter of a few hours. The whole house was filled with empty beer bottles, plastic glass and a lot other shit. The bedrooms had used condoms on the floor and the bathrooms were disgusting, they had vomit on, in and around the toilet, the floor had some condoms too and semen were dried on it.Louis had made a face when he entered the top floor's bathroom before running out of it with a hand over his mouth, afraid that he would vomit if he didn't cover his mouth. He had given the assignment to clean the bathroom to Niall instead and helped to clean the livingroom. 

When they finished hours later they sat down on the couch, exhausted and three out of five were hungover. They put in a movie but no one was really looking. They were all tired and Zayn was texting someone over the phone, Liam and Niall were trying to not look at each other and had an awkward tension between them (they always got like this after their drunk make out sessions but it used to get back to normal a few days later), Louis was stuck in his mind thinking and trying not to think. Harry was the only one who was trying to understand the movie, his gaze was fixed on the flatscreen and he bit his lip in concentration. But he could still not get what the movie was about, his head was slow after too little sleep and cleaning the whole day. He was also still thinking about Louis and what Mike had done. He didn't quite understand it but he knew that the lad at school who had hit Louis was an idiot. No matter what Louis had done it was not his fault that Mike had raped him. A rape was a rape and it would never be the victims fault.

"Guys this is a bore, lets do something." Niall said and Zayn sighed.

"Like what?" just as he said it Niall smirked before he threw himself on Zayn and started tickling him. A high pitched scream of protest left Zayn's lips before he started laughing like crazy. Louis looked over at Harry to see him laughing at the scene in front of him. Before Louis could react he had a body over himself and fingers digging his his sides, as if trying to tickle but Louis' mind hadn't caught up. _It felt like the walls were closing in on him, he could see his lust filled eyes as he whispered filthy things in Louis' ear. Louis squirmed away which ended in a tighter grip of his wrist. He tried to scream but his throat had closed up and suddenly he was gaping for air_. He opened his eyes and sat up quickly, his breath coming out in small pants. The boys were watching him with worried eyes and Harry was sitting in front of him, holing his hands and telling him to breath and that he had to calm down. Louis focused on Harry's voice and tried to calm his breathing. He could feel the stares from the others and he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again staring into Harry's green ones.

"Thank you." he whispered and Harry smiled.

"Any time." Louis was still shaking lightly but he could breath normally now. He stood up slowly on shaky legs and Harry stood up quickly, still holding Louis' sweaty hands.

"I'm so sorry Louis! I didn't think you'd react like that." Liam apologized and Louis smiled weakly at him.

"It's alright, not your fault. It's just my body being stupid." Harry snorted and shook his head.

"Panic attacks are not made 'cause your body is stupid. You went through something traumatic and now you get flashback things from it when things like this happens. It was the same in school when Stan pinned you on the floor. You get reminded of what happened and your body is reacting. It's not stupid and it's nothing you can control." Louis rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." he didn't mean to sound rude but he knew why he got panic attacks, Harry didn't have to give him a lecture about it.

"Wait so this has happened before?" Liam asked and Louis nodded and sighed.

"Yea it has happened like seven times since...well since that." since he got raped, Louis still didn't like to say it like that. Guys didn't get raped, especially not by their boyfriends. It didn't happen and Louis didn't want to admit that was what really had happened. He didn't want to admit it to himself.

"You should go to a doctor and check it up. Harry might not be there the next time and who knows what will happen then..."

"Harry wasn't there the first times it happened and I'm still alive, aren't I? I can handle it myself it's fine."

"That's definitely not fine. You may have done okay earlier but what if you don't the next time. What if you can't calm down or really just can't breath. You have to go to a doctor." Harry declared and Louis sighed again.

"And then what? I get a shit loads of medicine to stay calm that only costs a hell lot of money that my family can't afford. No thanks I'm fine." Louis snapped. "I'm going home, see you guys on Monday."

"Louis wait!" Harry followed Louis outside and Louis glared at him.

"Don't Harry, I'm fine."

"I just want to say I'm sorry. I wont make you go see a doctor or take any meds. I just want you to be okay."

"Well a newflash for you; I'm not okay and you can't help me." Harry groaned.

"I know I can't make everything perfect, but I can try to make it better. You're my friend Louis and I care for you, I don't want to lose you." Louis stopped walking and turned to face Harry.

"You're making it sound as I'm depressed or suicidal. I'm not Harry. I'm not a depressed attention seeking little twat who has nothing better to do with his life than slicing his wrist open trying to make his life better. I'm not that pathetic thank you." A flash of hurt showed in Harry's eyes and Harry shook his head and bit down on his lip.

"Okay, see you in school." with that Harry turned around and walked away. Louis sighed and watched after him, wanting to call out for him to come back but still wanting to scream at him to leave him the fuck alone. With a confused and clouded head Louis continued his walk home. He really wanted to talk with Harry but he guessed he had to wait for Monday now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm updating quite quickly for being me. Thanks for reading, please leave a comment :)


	5. Chapter 5

Louis had never known time could pass so slowly, not even when he was waiting in court it seemed to go so slow. When Monday morning came Louis was more than ready. He had not slept much at all and he was constantly worrying that Harry hated him. The look in his eyes Harry had when Louis told him that he wasn't depressed or suicidal had been so hurt. Louis had said in such a stupid way and now Harry was hurt. Louis didn't understand really but maybe Harry knew someone who was or had been depressed and Louis practically said that depressed people were pathetic. God he was stupid and he said all that only 'cause Harry was trying to help. Louis had to be the worst friend ever.  
Louis didn't see Harry in first class but when Louis was walking to the P.E building he saw the curly haired lad sitting on the steps. Louis walked over to him slowly and Harry looked up at him.  
"Hey, Haz I'm really sorry about before I just overreacted and said some really stupid things. I'm so sorry." Harry gave him a small smile and stood up.  
"It's okay, i understand. I just got a bit upset that you wouldn't let me try to help even and um yea." Louis knew that there was more that had upset Harry but he wouldn't focus on that now. It was about him and Harry now and the fact that Harry forgave him. Louis smiled and pulled Harry into a quick hug.  
"Thank you and you're helping by just being here. I'm really thankful that you are." Harry blushed and looked down with a big smile. Louis looked over at the building and sighed.  
"You wanna skip P.E?"  
"Yea um I had been planning to anyway." Harry admit with a shy smile.  
"Oh really? Why?"  
"I um I just eh...-"  
"-You don't have to tell me, let's go to my place, mom is working and the girls are at school." Louis cut him off and Harry smiled thankfully at him. They walked in silence to Louis' house and the silence followed them into the house when they sat down in the kitchen.   
"You want something to eat? It's about lunch time now after all." Louis asked and looked through the fridge, knowing Harry would say yes (which he did a second later, adding a 'please' in the end.). Louis smiled and took out one portion with left-overs from yesterday.  
"I hope you like lasagna 'cause I can't cook to save my life."  
"Lasagna is good. Thank you." Harry answered and Louis rolled his eyes of how polite he was being.  
"You know you don't have to be overly polite with me." Louis teased and smiled at Harry as he put the food in the microwave.  
"I know, it's just a habit."  
"Old habits die hard." Louis said and waited for the food to get heated enough. Harry thanked him again when Louis sat the plate in front of him and Louis smiled while shaking his head.  
"You are very welcome my good sir." he answered and Harry giggled. He actually giggled and Louis couldn't help but smile big at the sound. Harry really was adorable. Louis sat down opposite to Harry and Harry frowned at him.  
"Aren't you going to eat something?" he asked and Louis shook his head, he really wasn't hungry.  
"I'm not hungry." Harry kept watching him with a worried gaze and Louis sighed. "I'm fine Harry, don't worry. I'm just not hungry, honestly. I'm not trying to loose weigh or change my body. I'm satisfied with how my body looks so that isn't the problem. I'm just not hungry, food is just...ugh I don't even know. It's just not appealing."   
Harry sighed and nodded before taking a bite of his food.  
"You're not avoiding food to change your body then?"  
"No I'm not. I don't have a problem with how my body looks and if I had I would go for a run, not skipping meals." Louis smiled reassuringly at Harry and Harry sighed.  
"It's still not good to skip meals. How much do you eat a day?" Louis groaned knowing that Harry wouldn't let this go.  
"It depends on how I'm feeling. I never eat breakfast, but I didn't do that when I was thirteen either so that's no new. I usually eat lunch, sometimes nothing, sometimes a lot and sometimes only a fruit or something. I eat dinner everyday 'cause my mom would freak if I didn't. I eat less if I'm feeling down 'cause then I'm just not hungry."  
"So you don't eat when you're sad."  
"Pretty much, yeah, but I do eat something everyday." Louis said and Harry nodded.  
"I think that can count as an eating disorder..." Louis sighed loudly and glared at Harry. "How much do you weigh?" Louis shook his head.  
"Why do you want to know."  
"I want to know if you're underweight or not, you are quite skinny." Louis sighed again and nodded.  
"You first though, I'm not just going to say my weigh and then not know yours." Harry smiled and nodded.  
"Sure, I weigh about 165 lbs." Louis blushed and looked down at the table. "Your turn, tell me."  
"I um I weigh 132 lbs." Louis mumbled and bit his lip.   
"That's like thirty pounds less than me."  
"Yeah but I am like 5 ,7 feet. You're over 6,3 feet at least."  
"True but you're still very skinny." Harry said and Louis rolled his eyes.  
"So are you. But really, it's not an eating disorder and I'm fine." Harry shook his head but dropped the subject, knowing that Louis didn't want to talk about it.  
"Okay sure. So did you understand the whole history essay thing we had to write?" Louis smiled and started explaining it to Harry, glad that they changed subject.  
They didn't go back to school when their third class started, they sat up in Louis' room instead listening to Coldplay and talking about everything and nothing. Just getting to know each other better.   
Louis smiled and gave Harry a hug before Harry went home later that day and sighed to himself when he closed the door. He was lucky to have someone like Harry in his life. Really lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think and have a nice day :)x


	6. Chapter 6

Louis didn't understand how or where all time went but here he was, first day of Christmas holiday, four days to Christmas and three to his birthday. The last months had passed in a blur and a lot of homework. School had been hell but he had his friends to keep him steady and he was okay. He had his group and what the others thought didn't matter. Stan had talked to him a few more times with mean comments and so had a few other football players but other than that things were fine. Sure people still whispered about him behind his back but it was less than at the beginning of the year so Louis was okay.   
Today though they were, the five of them, sitting in Zayn's room with a bottle of wine that Niall, Louis and Zayn were sharing. Harry and Liam did still not drink, Liam for his kidney and Harry for his unknown reason, it did bug Louis but he didn't want to push Harry so he kept his mouth shut. He didn't drink much himself 'cause he didn't really like drunk people or being drunk himself. They had been at Zayn's parents house for a couple of hours and Louis had only drunk about half a glass of wine. He didn't really like wine either but it was the only alcoholic drink Zayn could find. Zayn and Niall had drunk a lot more, their cheeks were flustered and they were giggling at everything. Louis smiled and shook his head at them before looking over at Harry who was talking with Liam. Harry had made Louis eat lunch almost everyday in school since the day they skipped P.E together. P.E skipping had become a thing too, since neither of them wanted to go there. Louis really wasn't comfortable being naked in the same room as twelve other lads since he was paranoid. He just really didn't want to be in a locker room with them and why Harry skipped with him was still not clear but Louis didn't question him. He liked Harry's company so he wasn't complaining.   
Louis sighed and looked at the clock, 10:30 pm it wasn't that late but Louis was tired and he wanted to go home. Not that he didn't enjoy being with the others or didn't have fun, he was just tired and wanted to sleep. In his bed.  
"Guys I think I'm going to head home." Niall pouted at him and Zayn groaned but nodded.  
"Kay kay, see you around." he grinned at Louis in his half drunk state and Louis laughed at him before standing up.  
"I'll go with you. My house is in the same direction and I don't want you to go alone." Harry said and stood up. Louis smiled at him and shook his head.  
"I can get home by myself, I haven't drunk that much Haz." Liam had been the one to come up with Harry's nickname 'Haz', but Louis liked it.  
"I know, but I was going home now either way so we can go together." Louis nodded and smiled.  
"Okay sure."  
The walk was spend in silence and Louis could sense Harry's nervousness. It was weird 'cause what could Harry be nervous for? They had walked together at this time at night many times, there was nothing new. They stopped outside Louis' house and Harry bit his lip before clearing his throat.  
"Eh Louis I have um been meaning to ask you this for a while but I eh haven't found the right moment so I'm just going to ask you here and now um.."  
"Go on Harry, you can ask me anything." Louis smiled reassuringly.  
"I um.. Would you like to go on a date with me?" he rushed out and Louis froze for a moment and he sighed and looked down at the ground. It hadn't snowed yet but the asphalt was sparkling with frost.   
"Harry I eh. I'm sorry but I'm really not looking for a relationship right now. I'm sorry." Harry looked down at the ground too and nodded  
"I understand, I'm sorry for asking you it was stupid."  
"No no it wasn't stupid, it was sweet and I'm glad you did I just can't right now." Louis sighed not knowing what to say and Harry nodded again and gave Louis a quick hug.  
"See you around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucked, sorry. x


	7. Chapter 7

Back at school from the winter holidays the lads found themselves sitting at their usual table by lunch. There was a clear awkward tension between Harry and Louis who hadn't talked much during the break, only texting and meeting up like twice with the other lads. It's not that Louis or Harry didn't try to break the tension. Hell, both of them hated it. But Louis was feeling weird about knowing that Harry did actually like him in that way, it was weird and Louis felt awful for saying no but he also knew that he would not be able to date Harry right now. It didn't work in his life with boyfriends at the moment, he had to wait. And Harry was acting weird too, like he didn't know if he could talk to Louis without crossing any lines or making Louis uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do or say so they were stuck with the awkwardness.  
The conversation by the table was about Christmas and what they had got and also questions about how Louis celebrated his birthday ("Family dinner with the grandparents, lots of food thought my stomach would explode"). But as Louis sat and listened to his friends talk he could feel eyes on him and a particular glare coming from no other than Stan. Louis gave him a quick glare back before sighing and joining the conversation once again. He looked over at Harry to see him staring down at Louis' half eaten food with a frown on his face. Louis rolled his eyes and took another bite of his lunch watching how Harry's gaze followed Louis' movements. Finally Harry looked up and met Louis' gaze. Louis gave him a small smile and Harry blushed before he continued eating his own food. The other lads had either not noticed the awkwardness between Harry and Louis or they just choose not to say anything about it. They probably noticed though 'cause if you'd asked Louis it was obvious that something was up.  
***  
Last class that day was math and Louis didn't understand a shit his teacher taught. He was staring at the board as Ms Jones explained everything but his mind couldn't catch up to the words she said. There was so many numbers and everything was confusing. Don't get it wrong; Louis was smart, but math- math was weird and not understandable. He just didn't get it. Maybe it was the way the teacher explain or Louis was plain stupid, but Ms Jones never made much sense but today was worse than usual.  
At the end of the class his head was spinning and he stared at his notes that made no sense what so ever. Harry glanced over at him as he stood up and gathered his things.  
"I um, I could help you if you want..." he said hesitantly and Louis smiled at him shyly.  
"Really? You'd do that?"  
"Yeah sure, I'm pretty good at math but eh only if you want to. I don't want you to feel like you have to, I mean you can ask Liam if you're more comfortable with that or you could-..."  
"...- Harry, stop. I want you to help me, okay? We're still friends, right?"  
"Yes, yes of course I just wanted to make sure this is what you want." Louis smiled at him.  
"You are ridiculous but yes Haz and no more awkwardness, please."  
"Okay I um good." Harry smiled back at him and Louis just realized that it was weeks since he last saw Harry's smile. In fact Harry had seemed distant and sad ever since Louis said no to the date.  
"Great, do you have time today?"  
"Yes we can go over to mine." with a smiled Louis nodded and they left the school together, walking home to Harry.   
While they were sitting with their books open on Harry's bed, Harry started explaining everything the teacher had said and Louis nodded along with him or asking questions when he didn't get it. Two hours later and a snack break Louis finally understood it.  
"God that was quite simple when you got it. Sorry for being stupid." Louis said and Harry smiled and shook his head.  
"You're not stupid, this has like zero logic in it." Louis nodded and smiled.  
"Well thank you for teaching me, you did a way better job of it than Ms Jones."  
"Ms Jones is a bit fuzzy with her words and explanations."  
"A bit? I don't understand a word that comes out from here mouth more than 'This was all for today'" Louis said the last part in a high pitched voice that matched Ms Jones perfectly and Harry laughed loudly.  
"Oh my god you sound exactly like her." Louis felt a small blush that he couldn't explain rise to his cheeks and he cleared his throat.  
"Thanks I guess. I mean who would not want to sound like a middle aged woman." Harry laughed again, covering his mouth with his hands to muffle the sound and Louis smiled brightly at him.  
"Don't cover your mouth, I like your laugh" it was not often that Harry laughed and every time he did Louis couldn't help the smile that formed on his own face. Harry blushed and giggled lightly before collecting himself.  
"Thanks, you have a nice laugh too." Louis only smiled at him, wondering what he did to get such an amazing friend. Little did he know that Harry was wondering the exact same thing where he sat facing Louis and trying to hold himself from kissing him.  
Harry was the best friend Louis could ever wish for. Sure he loved Liam, Zayn and Niall a lot but Harry was special in what way Louis wasn't sure. There was something but Louis couldn't put his finger on it. But reality started to hit him and fuck, maybe he was falling for Harry. That was not good. Not at all. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 1000 hits, thanks guys. Love you :)x


	8. Chapter 8

Later the same night as Harry had helped Louis with math the boys found themselves tangled together while watching re runs of Friends on the tv. The were laying on Harry's bed, Louis' head on Harry's chest and their legs tangled in a mess. The clock was much more than it should be on a school night and Louis yawned and sat up.  
"I should go home, mom is probably wondering where I am." Harry groaned and layed still.  
"Don't leave. Call your mom and ask her if you can sleep here."  
"We have school tomorrow Haz and I don't want to bother your mom more than I've already done." Harry snorted.  
"Bother my mom? Really? She loves you, you're practically a second son for her." Louis couldn't help but smile at that. He liked Harry's mom a lot, she was a nice woman. "And by the way, it's dark outside plus it's snowing so you can't really walk back now."  
"Okay maybe not. You win I'll call my mom." Harry smiled big and said a small 'Yes!' and Louis laughed silently before picking his phone up. His mom had no problem with it as Louis had know she wouldn't, she was a pretty chill mom even after everything that happened.  
Harry stood up from the bed and stretched while yawning, making his already tall body seem even taller.  
"I'll get you a spare bed since I doubt you will want to share mine." Louis nodded and smiled thankfully. He couldn't sleep in the same bed as Harry, not when he wasn't sure about his feelings. He had tried to push away the thought of falling for Harry but maybe it was true. What if he was falling for Harry on real? It wouldn't be that bad though, Louis knew Harry would never hurt him. But the same went for Mike, Louis thought Mike would never hurt him and still it ended up where it did. Louis shook his head before helping Harry to make his bed.  
Wearing his own boxers and one of Harry's t-shirt was probably the most comfortable thing Louis had ever worn. The t-shirt was too big for him and reached down on his thighs and it was just so cozy. The shirt smelled like Harry too, which was a bonus. Louis cuddled closer his pillow and closed his eyes. They had said goodnight a while ago and he could hear Harry snoring lightly from the bed beside him. The snores were soft and cute, not annoying like Niall's usually were. Harry was also only wearing a t-shirt and boxers though he admit that he slept nude every other night.  
Half an hour after they had said goodnight Louis fell asleep, it was quite quick to be him (he could lay in his bed for hours before he fell asleep, especially when he wasn't home.). But as usual his sleep was bothered and filled with bad thoughts and memories from that night. Half way though the night Harry woke up to the sound of light whimpers from Louis' temporary bed. Louis was tossing and turning in his sleep and Harry sat up in his own bed.  
"Lou, wake up. You're having a bad dream." he whispered and yawned. Louis had a frown on his face and he looked like he was in pain.  
"No please, don't. Don't" Harry had by this time at night not memory in retention and could not put the pieces together.  
"Louis it's aright, wake up; it's just a dream." he shook Louis' shoulder lightly and Louis sat up quickly, like someone had given him an electric shock. He breathed quickly and Harry could almost feel his fright. "Hey hey, it's alright. It was just a bad dream."  
Louis looked at him with wide eyes before it seemed to click for him where he was. He let out a long breath and wiped his eyes angrily to get rid of the tears that had escaped. After a small hesitation Louis spoke up "Can I sleep with you for the rest of the night?". The smile on Harry's face had been big and unmissable and he nodded quickly, scooting over so Louis could get in beside him. With a tired smile Louis had done so, tears still leaving his eyes every now and then. He layed his head down on Harry's chest and tried to hold in his sobs. Harry stroke his hair slowly and Louis kept his eyes tight shut.  
"It was my fault. My fault Harry, it happened because of me. My fault." Harry shook his head and kept stroking Louis' soft light brown hair.  
"It was not Lou, don't blame yourself. It was not your fault."  
"But it was, it was my entire fault and everyone blames me."  
"I don't blame you."  
"Everyone but you then."  
"Go back to sleep Lou."  
"Okay Haz.."  
  



	9. Chapter 9

A week after Louis' sleepover at Harry's and things were normal again. The lads more or less went back to how they were before the Christmas break if not even closer. Though something was wrong, as usual, there was not one time things were perfect. Perfect didn't exist and it had never bother Louis so much but he wanted things to fix and be right, beautiful, amazing, marvelous and just well  _perfect_. But Harry was being distant and he didn't smile as much and Louis worried but never brought it up 'cause it probably wasn't anything and Harry would just think he was clingy and Louis didn't want that. Not now that he just got Harry back, he never wanted to lose Harry. Never.

He really shouldn't be thinking about this because he was in the middle of answering the third question on the math test Harry had helped him to study for. Which was why Louis had started thinking about the lad who sat two rows behind him. With a determined shake of his head Louis continued the test without thinking more of his curly haired friend.

***

 After school Louis was fast to sprint over to Harry who was already walking down the road. He hadn't waited for Louis and that was weird because they always waited for each other so they could walk home together.

"Harry! Wait up!" Louis shouted and watched Harry turn around with tired eyes and wait for Louis who quickly made his way to him. "Hey, are you alright?"

Harry nodded and started walking again with a sigh. He didn't look at Louis and Louis couldn't help but feel hurt

"Do you eh do you want to go home with me? We can drink tea and watch Skins or something?" to Louis' surprise Harry smiled lightly but still didn't look at him.

"Yeah sure." Louis smiled big and caught himself once again being to happy with Harry. Why did it matter so much if Harry wanted to come home with him, they were friends. Louis had tried to push away all 'more than friends' feelings he had for Harry and it worked pretty well but not perfect.

They arrived at Louis' house and walked up to his room with two steaming cups filled with tea. They sat down on his bed and Louis opened his computer and smiled at Harry who was staring into nothing. Louis' smile dropped and he sighed before taking Harry's hands in his own. Harry's hands were noticeably bigger than Louis' and they were shaking lightly but Louis kept a steady grip and finally Harry looked at him.

"Tell me what's wrong, is there something I can do? Or something I have done?" Harry looked down at their hands and shook his head.

"You have done nothing wrong and I'm fine really." he gave Louis a fake smile and Louis shook his head.

"You're not but I won't push you to tell me." Harry sighed and nodded.

"I eh I had a friend named Nick and well I um I liked him a lot. I told him that I liked him one day, like more than a friendship way and he had smiled and kissed me." Harry kept looking at their hands. "I was happy and I thought he loved me. We started dating and he introduced me to his other friends and we all formed a group. We did eh a lot of stupid things and I felt awful more often than not. But Nick and I dated for about eight months and then I caught him kissing an other lad and he told me to fuck off and that I never would be enough. And I just...it was about this time last year that things went bad and well it makes me feel shit." Harry was crying silently and Louis bit his lip before hugging Harry close.

"I'm sorry Haz, what he did was awful." Harry sobbed and held Louis tight, fingernails digging into Louis' back but Louis wasn't complaining. He liked to have Harry close though he did not like to see him cry. Louis' shoulder was soaked with tears and Harry shook his head.

"It was my fault, I should have known that Nick was only playing with me."

"You couldn't have known that. You were in love with him and you would never imagine him ever hurting you." Harry looked up at him with tear filled eyes and nodded.

"You loved Mike." it wasn't a question, it was a fact and Louis smiled sadly before nodding.

"And we all know how that turned out." 

Harry sighed and brought up a hand to dry his tears. "We don't really know a thing. I just know what you've told me and the others at school only knows what the papers wrote or what someone told them." Louis nodded.

"Okay yeah but the end is the same. Mike is in jail and it's my fault."

"Not your fault."

Louis rolled his eyes and shrugged "Whatever."

They dropped the subject and Louis turned on the first season of Skins on his computer and rested his heads against Harry's shoulder.

If you had asked Harry in that moment how he felt he wouldn't have know how to answer. Even though he was happy to be so close with Louis he still had a darkness in his head that was more or less suffocating. Louis was his candle, a candle that lit up the dark places around Harry when he was close and left him alone in the cold darkness when he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo an update, thank you for reading, please leave a comment or kudos, :)


	10. Chapter 10

Once again Louis found himself sitting and answering questions on a paper in his first class. Though this time it wasn't math at least, but he thinks math went good because Harry had helped him and he had answered every question. This time it was history, something about Australia and how the brits had put all their prisoners there. He couldn't concentrate and he had a headache but he really needed to get a good grade so he wrote down as much as he could and hoped for the best. 

One class later and it was lunch time. They were sitting by their usual table and everyone were talking and laughing except from Harry who was staring at his food with his lips pressed tight and nails digging into his palms. Louis looked at him worriedly and nudged his shoulder making Harry shoot up from his chair with wide eyes. Louis opened his mouth to say something while Harry took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Are you alright?" he finally whispered and Harry nodded firmly but then sighed and shook his head.

"No eh I think I'll skip rest of today, I think I've caught a cold or something" Louis nodded but had a feeling there was something else with Harry that wasn't quite right. His eyes were dull and his hands were always shaking, he wasn't laughing and rarely smiling. Maybe he was still thinking about the Nick lad but Louis thought it ran even deeper than so. Sure what Nick had done to Harry was awful and Harry had every right to be upset but it just felt like it was something more.

"Okay um get better Haz." Louis squeezed Harry's thigh and tried to ignore the blush that crept up on Harry's pale cheeks. Harry gave him a weak clearly faked smile and stood up and left. Louis sighed and looked down at his own half eaten food and took an other bite. He really hoped Harry felt better soon 'cause it killed him to see Harry so sad.

***

Louis had almost forgotten the feeling when it happened again. Stan had Louis pushed up against one of the walls in one of the boys public toilets. Louis' chest tightened and his breath was coming out quickly. He had to get away from here now. Stan punched him in his face and Louis let out a weak cry. He knew he had tears rushing down his face and he knew he looked pathetic but it didn't matter. He couldn't breath. He couldn't and Stan was so so close. _"You're my fucking whore, you hear that?" he curled into himself and tried to escape Mike with no success. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't ever doubt who you belong to ever again." his breath smelled of alcohol and Louis kept his eyes shut tightly, as if he could get away. Pretend that this wasn't happening, at least not to him._  Pain brought Louis back to reality and he fell to his knees as he felt the kick land on his stomach. His breath got cut off totally and he was dying. Louis was sure of it. He was dying, right now and right here. On the dirty floor of the boys toilet in school. He would die here and no one would think more about it. ("Louis? You mean the kid who got killed in the toilets? Yea he was a total fag, waste of space apparently he wouldn't let his boyfriend fuck him so his boyfriend raped him. He deserved it though.") Darkness was coming closer and Louis was still gasping for air. He barely heard the door open and close as Stan left before everything went black.

***

Liam was just walking to the toilets to do his business when he saw a body lying on the floor by the wall opposite to the door. With wide eyes he walked over and bent down to the boy. With one glance at the face he realized it was Louis. He instantly checked his puls and was comforted to find it beating with a steady rhythm. Liam sighed and slowly moved Louis' body into a sitting position, his back resting against the wall. Liam stood up while keeping an eye at Louis as he filled a plastic mug (there were always plenty of them in the school bathrooms) and filled it with cold water before he crouched down to Louis' level again. With slight hesitation he threw it on Louis, over his face.

With a gasp Louis' eyes flew open and he looked quickly around him before his gaze landed on Liam. Liam offered him some paper and Louis took it and sighed before drying his face.

"Thanks" he muttered and brought a hand to his head which was aching much worse than it had been his first lesson. He groaned and sat up straighter and Liam watched him worriedly with big brown eyes.

"What happened?"

"I was going to use the toilet and then Stan came and fucked things up. Guess I passed out." he said and started to feel the distant pain in his stomach. 

"Oh god that's not good. I should take you to the hospital or school nurse." Louis shook his head and sighed.

"Don't, I'm fine, just got a bit of a headache." in reality his head felt like it would explode but he didn't want to worry Liam. 

"No you're not, you're never fine Louis. I know that but shit. I knew this would happen. What if no one finds you next time? What if you lay here alone and die?" Louis would not be telling him that that was what Louis had thought would happen so he just gave Liam a reassuring smile and stood up slowly, trying to ignore the throbbing in his head and the way his legs felt like they would give out. 

"I'll leave before it gets this bad next time, okay. There wont be a next time. Relax Liam." Louis' vision blurred and he gripped the sink tightly. Liam shook his head and helped Louis stand straight and Louis was too tired to shrug him off. They walked in silence over to Louis' house.

"Will you be alright from here? Is your mom home?" 

"Yea yea, I'll be fine. Mom is home." Liam still didn't let go off Louis but nodded and started walking to the door with him.

"I'm going to tell your mom and you're going to rest." Louis shook his head.

"You can't tell mom. She will freak and I don't want to cause her more problem."

"She's your mom. She has to know Louis! This is not a one time thing and you have to get help." Louis sighed, he really needed a painkiller and a comfy bed. He was tired of Liam's yelling and he was so so tired. 

"Okay sure. Sure do what you want as long as I can go to sleep."


	11. Chapter 11

Louis' mom did freak out, just as Louis had known she would. When Liam had left and Louis had slept for about an hour his mom came into his room and woke him up. She yelled at him for not telling her and about how bad it could have gone if Liam hadn't come. She only stopped yelling when Louis shouted at her to shut up 'cause his head hurt. She had then started talking in a calmer voice and telling him that they were going to the hospital tomorrow after school so Louis could get some medication. Louis had nodded and asked if he could go back to sleep which she had answered with a short nod before she left the room. He fell asleep quickly after she left and woke up the next time the morning after by his alarm ringing.

Harry wasn't in school and Louis had sent him a text asking how he was doing which hadn't gotten any reply. He was worried, so worried for Harry. But the one person who might have been more worried than Louis was Liam, but he was worried about Louis and didn't leave him alone for one minute. He followed him to class and was waiting outside when it ended. This went on for the rest of the week and there was still no trace of Harry. It took all Louis had to not yell at Liam to fuck off. He was glad to know that Liam cared so much about him but he was not comfortable with having him standing outside the stall door when Louis had to pee.

Harry came back on Friday and Louis was so exited to see him because he really missed him (though he wouldn't admit that). But to say he was disappointed when Harry flat out ignored him the whole day was an understatement. Louis was hurt but Harry didn't really talk to anyone else either for the matter. He looked even worse than he had when he left on Monday. His eyes were duller, his skin paler and he just looked so sad and exhausted. Louis wasn't sure what he should do but he knew he could not just ignore the fact that Harry felt bad.

After school Louis walked up to Harry and smiled at him but Harry just shook his head.

"I'm not telling you why..-"

"-You don't have to tell me anything Haz. But please don't ignore me." Louis cut him off and Harry sighed.

"I didn't mean to ignore you, I just don't know what to say." 

"You can say anything" Harry sighed again and nodded and they walked in silence for a while before Harry broke it.

"Liam said you fainted the other day."

"I did, well Stan was being a dick and had me pushed up against the wall and I panicked a bit I guess." Harry snorted at Louis' words.

"A bit?"

"Okay more than a bit. But Liam told my mom so we're going to the doctor today." Louis said with a sigh and Harry nodded.

"Good." Louis smiled lightly at him but Harry wasn't looking back, he was just staring at the ground. Louis' smile dropped and they walked the rest way in silence. Louis said good bye to Harry who only nodded before continuing his walk home. Louis opened the door to see his mom already standing there.

"Ready to go?" Louis only nodded and then they were off.

***

Later the same night Louis found himself texting Harry, telling him about how it had went at the hospital. The doctor had asks a lot of questions and Louis had answered as truthfully as he could. 

**From Haz: Did they give you any meds?**

**To Haz: Yea, Atarax or something. So no more alcohol or sex desire;)**

**From Haz: Haha, so your sex life is totally dead now? :p**

**To Haz: Has been for a while, don't think I'll notice any difference.**

The conversation ended quickly after that and Louis took his meds before falling asleep almost instantly. He guessed things might get better now.

***

Louis was so tired. He was always tired since he started with the meds and he could tell the others noticed. They looked at him worriedly all the time. The only one who didn't act like he was made of glass was Harry. Harry was constantly close to him but not because he was worried, he was because he wanted. He wanted to be with Louis at all times because somehow he felt happier with the blue eyed boy. Louis was glad to have Harry back even though he still looked exhausted and sad. Harry looked slightly happier than he had and that made Louis smile because he always wanted Harry to be happy.

After school they decided to go home to Zayn and eat pizza. Zayn's girlfriend Perrie was there too and Louis hugged her while she told him that they hadn't seen each other in way too long. He agreed, he and Perrie were quite good friends and they hadn't talked in months.

By the time they had finished eating, Liam cleared his throat to get their attention. Beside him sat Niall who was blushing lightly and looking at Liam.

"I um...we have something to tell you guys." he began and Louis gave him a big smile, already knowing what he was going to say. He could tell just by the way the two lads were looking at each other. "We, Niall and I are dating."

Louis cheered along with the other friends and Harry smiled a dimpled smile for the first time in very long. Louis looked at him with an admiring look and couldn't help but smile big. He really like Harry's dimples. Perrie and Zayn congratulated the couple but Louis kept staring at Harry who finally met his gaze. Harry's cheeks flushed pink and he smiled at Louis. Louis smiled back and he could feel a blush rising on his own cheeks. Neither of them looked away and in that moment both of them felt happier than they had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about this chapter but oh well. Hope it's alright. Please leave a comment and kudos :) ((1D Day today!! yey! :D))


	12. Chapter 12

Zayn decided to throw a party the same weekend to celebrate the new couple, though they all know it was just 'cause Zayn really liked parties but no one complained. So that was how Louis found himself sitting outside in the cool January weather with Harry.

"You're birthday is coming up, anything you want?" he asked Harry. None of them were drinking. Louis wasn't because of his new meds and why Harry wasn't drinking was still a mistery for Louis. It didn't really matter Louis liked to have sober company when he was sober himself.

"Not really, maybe we could all go and eat somewhere." he said with a shrug. Louis nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah, Niall will make us drive to Nandos and eat there if you ask him where to." Louis said with a smile.

"The closest Nandos is in London, isn't it?"

"It is." Louis confirmed.

"I can ask mom to cook something and then we'll eat at my place and watch movies. I don't want it to get a too big thing."

"Not a big thing, you're turning eighteen Haz, that's a quite big thing." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Yea yea maybe it is but I don't really care. It's just a new number."

"Maybe."

"We didn't do anything special on your seventeenth birthday." Louis gave him a weird look.

"You didn't know me when I turned seventeen." Harry looked at him confused.

'"Your birthday was in December."

"Yes, but I turned eighteen."

"Wait what? We're in the same grade."

"I had to re-do last year so I'm actually one year older than all of you." Louis smiled.

"But how come I didn't know?"

"Well that Harry is probably 'cause you never asked. And it's not a big deal."

"Now you're the one who's saying that turning eighteen isn't a big deal." Louis sighed at him.

"Okay, if you want a small get together then we will have a small get together with the other lads. Is that okay with you?" Harry smiled and nodded.

"That's perfect."

The two lads kept talking into the night as the party continued inside. After a while though they got cold and decided to head inside again. Inside it was crowded and the music was way louder than it was outside. Louis shivered and moved closer to Harry who hesitantly wrapped his arm around Louis' waist. Louis smiled at him feeling safe in Harry's arms. He really trusted Harry and Harry made him so happy. Harry made him happier than Mike had ever done and he also made him feel safer than he had ever done with Mike. But Louis had been in love with Mike, right? And he was not in love with Harry. Harry was his friends and Louis couldn't fall for him, it had only been a half year since he and Mike ended thing and they didn't exactly end as Louis had wanted. He couldn't love Harry. He couldn't, what if Harry had gotten over Louis by now. What if Harry had just asked him on that date a month ago just for fun. Or what if he decided that Louis was no fun when Louis said no and moved on.

"Hey, Lou are you alright?" Harry asked concerned and Louis forced a weak smile.

"Yea I was just eh thinking."

"About?" Harry pressed and Louis couldn't hold it.

"Do you still like me?" it was blunt said and Harry looked taken back before he started to blush.

"I eh yes I mean well yea." he nodded and Louis felt a smile form on his lips and a blush coloring his cheeks. "Mind telling me why you asked?"

"Just wondering." Louis whispered back and he had never wanted to kiss someone as much as he wanted it right now. He wanted to kiss Harry's pink lips and leave him breathless. He wanted to have Harry to always hold him close. He wanted Harry to wake him up every morning with a kiss and telling him how much he loved him. Louis wanted Harry as his boyfriend and fuck that was scary. He had never thought he would move on from Mike, he thought he would be permanently messed up. That he would never be able to trust someone like that. He didn't think he'd ever want someone to kiss him ever again, he had felt as if Mike had taken that desire from him. But still, here he stood, inches away from Harry and wishing for nothing more than a kiss. 

"You're thinking too much." Harry whispered as he noticed Louis' intense stare. And yea maybe Louis did think too much. Maybe he should just let his mind go and do what he felt like for once. He didn't hesitate now. He stood up on his tippy toes and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders before he kissed him. Just like that. It took a second before Harry responded and kissed Louis back slowly. A small sense of panic formed in Louis' chest but he soon forgot it and kissed Harry harder. He didn't care who saw. All he cared about was Harry and only Harry. Harry who he was kissing in his friend's house at a party. He wasn't even drunk and god he enjoyed this. The feeling of Harry's lips against his own. It was first as Harry's wet tongue swept over Louis' lips and Harry's hand found its way to Louis' hip as Louis really realized what he was doing. Startled he pulled away with a frightened look because this really wasn't what he should be doing. He shouldn't have kissed Harry. He really shouldn't.  _"You're mine, do you fucking understand that!? No one else's, I'm the only one that will ever love you. The only one who will kiss you. Are we clear!? Fucking whore." Mike's voice was filling Louis' head and the walls were creeping in on him._  He had to get out. He didn't even glance at Harry as he rushed out the front door and took a deep breath. The panic wasn't as bad as usual but Louis couldn't help the tears as he quickly walked home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this while listening to Midnight Memorise and gosh I love the album. Especially Strong, Happily and Little black dress. Hope you like the update :)x


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's talk about rape in this chapter so if you're uncomfortable with that then don't read x.

School was, well it was awkward at the least. Louis hadn't talked to Harry for the rest of the weekend. He had spent it crying and regretting it. He really wished he didn't regret it, he did enjoy it but the after match wasn't worth it. Like a hangover. It was fun when you were drunk but not when you spent the next day throwing up and having a headache. The kiss was great, perfect even but when realizing what he had done it wasn't so great anymore. He spent the night and day after crying and remembering everything Mike did their last night together. He didn't eat and he refused telling his mom what happened, because it was so stupid. Who freaked out like that over a kiss? Especially when he liked it and he was the one who started it. God, he really messed up.

He had manage to avoid Harry all the way up to lunch but he couldn't ignore him when he was sitting right beside him and looking at him with sad eyes. Harry's gaze was fixed at Louis' lunch who yet had to be touched. Maybe Louis should just talk to Harry. Explain it. But the problem was, Louis wasn't sure how to explain it so he kept his mouth shut. For now.

***

Harry walked beside him after school as usual and waiting patiently for Louis to say something, to do something. They were at Louis' house when Louis sighed and opened his mouth.

"Do you want to come inside? I should...I need to talk with you." Harry gave him a quick nod and soon they sat on Louis' bed with each cup of tea in their hands. "I um I'm sorry."

Harry looked like someone had hit him and shook his head.

"Please, say anything but not that. Don't say you're sorry or that you regret it, not when I enjoyed it so much. You can't do that Louis, please don't tell me it was a mistake." the look on Harry's face reminded Louis of what people called heart break and dejection.

"I enjoyed it too Harry, I did. I was the one who started it. I just freaked out and I'm sorry." he couldn't tell Harry that he did kind of regret it. He couldn't break him down like that.

"It's... It's okay." Louis snorted and shook his head.

"Okay?! How can that be okay? It was just a kiss, you're not suppose to freak out over small things like that. I like you Harry and a kiss shouldn't have that effect on me. I messed up and that's not okay." Louis exclaim angrily. He wasn't mad at Harry, he was mad at himself.

"You like me?" Harry asked in a small voice.

"Of course that would be what you heard." Louis muttered and sighed. "Yes Harry, I really like you."

"Really?" Harry smiled big and Louis couldn't help but smile back as he nodded.

"Yes, and that's why it isn't okay for me to freak out but like  _he_  told me a lot of things that night and I don't know. I just freaked out."

"Want to tell me?" Harry asked. The question was simple and Louis could easily say no and they would move on like nothing happened, but something stopped him from just leaving it at that. So he nodded and took a deep breathe.

"We had been out on a date and the waiter had flirted with me and I hadn't really stopped it. It was a fit lad and I had thought it was funny because it was quite clear that Mike and I were on a date. So I had been friendly back. When we had paid, the waiter had given me his number on a note and drawn a cheeky winking smily. I had laughed and then Mike and I drove home to him. His parents were gone for some business trip to France. And well I hadn't even thought about how Mike had felt about the whole waiter thing. I noticed that he was quieter than usual but I brushed it off. I went up and got ready for the night, brushed my teeth and I heard Mike in the kitchen. When he came up he was half drunk..." Louis looked down at his lap and sighed.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to." Louis shook his head and took a moment before he spoke again.

"I was changing clothes and was well, I was only in my underwear, just about to take on a shirt when he walked over and pinned me down on the bed. I had only shaken my head and told him that I wasn't in the mood. But he had told me to shut up and pinned my wrists over my head. He had always been stronger and bigger than me so I didn't really have a chance. It was like he didn't even hear me when I told him to stop, he was too into it.And when I tried to get away he only gripped me tighter he didn't listen to me and well after some struggles we were both naked. I had managed to hit him with the nightstand's lamp but he had only hit back. There really was no escape so I stopped fighting and only wished for it to be over. I didn't even feel any pain from it, which is quite weird since he went in dry and all, but I guess I was far too gone in my own mind. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening and tried to not listen when he whispered about how I was only his and how he was the only one who was allowed to touch me and that he was the only one who would ever love me. When he was done he fell asleep and I left. I got dressed quickly and ran home to Zayn. It was in the middle of the night and his dad was the one who opened the door. I hadn't said anything, just ran up to Zayn's room and woken him. His dad drove us to the hospital 'cause I was, well bleeding down there. A few weeks later we were in court and Mike denied it all but the odds were against him and he got claimed as guilty. I don't know nor care where he is now or for how long, I just know that I never want to see him ever again." Louis finished and kept looking down as he waited for Harry to say something. He had tears in his eyes and on his cheeks because hell, it hurt to remember. He just wanted to forget it all and move on. Harry was sitting beside him with tearstained cheeks and all he wanted to do was to hug Louis and take away all pain so he hugged him close. He hugged him closer than ever and stroke his back as the smaller boy sobbed onto his chest. Louis hated to cry in front of others but he couldn't help it, not when Harry was holding him so close and memories were flashing through his mind.

"I'm so sorry Louis."

"We had a healthy relationship and I trusted him Haz. We had been together for almost two years and god ,why, why Harry. Why didn't he listen?" Louis cried even though he knew Harry could not possible answer it.

"I don't know Louis." Harry said and tried to stop himself from sobbing.He hated seeing Louis hurt. He never wanted him to cry or be sad. 

"It was my fault, that's what he told me. That I deserved it and that it was my entire fault. If I hadn't been whoring around with the waiter he wouldn't have done it. We could have stayed together and he wouldn't be locked up and I wouldn't be messed up. We could have been happy."

"It wasn't your fault Louis, don't ever believe it is. What he did was wrong and I'm sorry to say this but he would probably have done it sooner or later either way. If he could do it because of that he could have done it anytime. I'm sorry Louis." Louis shook his head against Harry's chest and sobbed loudly.

"You don't know that. You didn't know him. He was a good boyfriend, he made me happy and he had plenty of friends. Everyone liked him and I got him arrested because I didn't want to have sex with my own boyfriend. How fucked up is that?!" Louis cried and Harry stroke his back.

"It's not fucked up, you said no and it was wrong of him to not listen. You did nothing wrong Lou, he's the one who messed up. Not you." Louis only nodded, too tired to argue further.

"Can you stay here?"

"Of course." Harry whispered and Louis sniffed.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."


	14. Chapter 14

Things got better after they had talked. Louis felt more free and Harry was smiling a lot more. They were both happy around the other but of course they still had rough days and Louis' pills was still making his head slow and slightly dizzy but he wasn't panicking that hard anymore. Stan had kept distance and Louis was almost sure that Zayn had told him off because of the glares they were throwing at each other. But all in all Louis felt quite at peace with everything. Harry's birthday had passed and they had, as Harry had asked for, had a small get together with Niall, Liam, Zayn, Perrie and the two of them. They had eaten at Louis' and then went to a small coffee shop and just hung out. Of course they had given him presents and after Louis gave Harry his Harry had hugged him close and whispered 'Thank you, I love it' over and over for almost five minutes. Louis had shrugged and smiled while saying that it was no big deal, because it wasn't. He had downloaded about twenty songs and put them on a CD, it was a mix between Coldplay, a bit of The Fray and loads of songs Louis knew Harry loved.   
***  
They, Harry and Louis that is, were currently sitting in the school library half reading and half talking. They only had a few months left in school and this were the grades that would decide their future. Which University the could get in to and there for what job they could get. It was stressful to think that this was what would form their future, if they messed up they wouldn't get a good job.  
"Do you um know what you want to study after this? And like where?" it was Harry who asked and Louis shut his book and shrugged.  
"I'm not sure but I think I want to study drama, not to become an actor or director but like a drama teacher or something? And in London maybe Queen Mary, I know some people who goes there and they like it."  
"Hmm I've been thinking about Queen Mary too, but like law and such. Might become a lawyer or something. But I still like music and it'd be fun to be in a band or something." Harry shrugged after he finished speaking and Louis couldn't help but smile a bit. Maybe they would attend at the same school, Harry and him. Liam had already gotten a lot of scholarships from all around the world, Zayn and Perrie wanted to go to U.S and Niall was thinking about taking a gap year because he was just tired of school and teachers. It felt as if everyone had their plans sorted and knew exactly what they wanted but Louis wasn't sure, he didn't know if he even wanted to be a drama teacher. Teachers salary sucked and he had always wanted to be a football player but he was not on the team anymore and therefor he couldn't get a scholarship to any of the football universities. Drama people were so loud and odd and he didn't know if he would manage that. They were very touchy people who knew close to nothing about personal space and he didn't know. He didn't know if he could handle that, he was in the school's drama club and that was bad enough as it was. Sure he liked acting and standing on the stage but sometimes the people got a bit too much. Maybe he should take a gap year too, explore the world and get away from everything but he was already one year older than everyone else in his grade. He didn't want to get more behind.   
"Hey, you alright?" Harry asked concerned and looked straight into Louis' eyes. Louis wanted to tell him his doubts of what to do but he felt like he would just drag Harry down with his own problems. Which he had done way too much lately if you asked Louis.  
"Yea just fine, stressing over the grades."  
"Yea me too. It's pretty weird how we now have to ask if we are allowed to go to the toilet and a few weeks later we will have to decide what we want to do with our lives."  
"Yea, I guess. Can we go home to you? I don't want to be here anymore and my sisters are annoying." Louis said and Harry smiled and stood up.  
"Sure thing."  
***  
The ended up watching old episodes of their favorite Tv shows on Harry's bed. They were lying beside each other. Louis' left leg tangled with Harry's right one. It felt natural and they both had soft smiles on their faces. It wasn't until hours later when Louis noticed that Harry's shirt had rid up over his hips. At first he didn't see it but when he did he let out a small gasp and Harry sat up quickly sliding his shirt back down. But the damage was done, Louis had seen. Red thin gashes all over his hips and stomach. Some thicker and darker than others. Most of them were almost healed but there were also some who looked new. And fuck, how did Louis not realize this earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for short and suckish chapter. I've been sick and there's a lot in school right now so I don't really have time to write but I'll hopefully update next week, thanks for reading. Xx


	15. Chapter 15

Louis sat up slowly and Harry was watching him with wide and slightly scared eyes. After a moment to calm himself down Louis finally spoke.

"Harry...I.-" before he could come up with something to say Harry cut him off and stood up.

"Don't fucking say anything." his voice was loud and defensive and Louis stood up too.

"You don't have to tell me why or anything about your um.. Self-harm but I will talk to you. You are my friend and I don't ever want you to be hurt." he kept his voice calm but it didn't calm Harry, if anything it only seemed to make him more frustrated.

"I don't have to tell you anything!? But listen at this; you didn't have to tell me anything either! I didn't necessarily want to hear all about you and your ex boyfriend! Or how fucked up you are because guess what Louis:  _Every_  fucking one is fucked up in some way! Some just don't speak about it! Your fuck up got outed but whatever! Your boyfriend got a bit rough while fucking you without your permission. It was once, get over yourself! And he was half drunk and you flirted with someone else, did you really think he would be okay with that?! I understand why he said it was your fault because it fucking was!" Harry shouted at him and Louis wanted to disappear. He had to, he couldn't be here and listen to the things he tried to push back. He couldn't hear Harry out of all people tell him this. He couldn't do this but right now it wasn't about it, this was about Harry and Louis would not give up. With trembling voice and watery eyes be nodded and looked up at Harry.

"Okay. Sure. Say anything you want. Insult me or fuck me up as much as you want. The only thing you're doing is avoiding the topic."  _and hurting me._

"I don't have to tell you shit about this! It is not even worth talking about! I can clearly remember you saying that people who does that is pathetic and idiots. I don't need to hear that again!" it took Louis a second but fuck, he had said that to Harry.

"I didn't know Harry and that really isn't my honest thoughts. I apologized and you know I only said it because I was upset. I'm so sorry Harry and you are no idiot nor are you pathetic. You're my best friend and this doesn't change anything."

"You are so dumb! You're so fucking dumb. It doesn't matter if you say sorry or that you didn't mean it. You still said it back then and in that moment you meant it, even if only a little bit. And you're such a dickhead in every fucking way! You knew I liked you and you still kept acting like I never said anything about it to you, then you kiss me only to tell me you can't be in a fucking relationship! You are an idiot and I hate you!" Louis took a deep breath and backed away from Harry, suddenly not feeling safe at all in Harry's company. Louis couldn't bare to see the look of anger flaring in Harry's eyes or the way his hands were fisted, knuckles white. 

"I fucked up, okay? I fuck up all the time but I really do like you Harry and I think we should try in the future. But at the moment I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I'm sorry."

"In the future? Who the fuck says we even have a future?!" that made Louis' heart sting 'cause he could see a lot of messages in that and he really doesn't want to think about it.

"Everyone has a future if they want one, maybe a short or a long but Harry I'm not talking ten years from now. I'm talking about after the summer or something, when we're all graduated and takes care of ourselves."

"You can go fuck yourself Louis. Just leave." Louis did think about it, just leaving but he shook his head.

"No, I'm not leaving 'til we're on terms again." Harry glared at him and walked over. Louis took a step back but looked Harry dead in the eye.

"You're fucking impossible." Harry spat out standing close to Louis.

"So are you."

"Get out."

"No."

Get out"

No."

"Get the fuck out!"

"No!" Harry pushed him and it wasn't even that hard but Louis' head was dizzy and Harry's writing desk was right behind him. His back hit it and he lost his breath for some seconds, it hurt and he quickly stands up again not looking at Harry and left. He could hear Harry sobbing behind him and Louis really wanted to turn around and hold him but he couldn't. He left the house and met Harry's mom in the garden. She greeted him but Louis only told her that she should go and check on Harry. She didn't have to hear more before she ran into the house and slammed the door behind her. 

It was only when Louis got home and laid down in his bed after avoiding his mom he let himself cry. And once he started he couldn't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, if you did please leave kudos/a comment :)x


	16. Chapter 16

Somewhere in his mind Louis had known Harry wouldn't show up at school, Louis hadn't wanted to go either but on the other hand he didn't want to worry his mom. So Louis went to school and it was just as weird without his friend as he suspected, sure the other lads were there but Louis kept worrying about Harry. Harry who...who cut and who Louis wanted to be with but didn't know how. There was a voice in the back of Louis' head telling him how he messed up and upset Harry and maybe Harry hurt himself again. Maybe Louis made Harry feel that bad.  
Louis kept himself together until P.E started, he gathered the homeworks his teachers had asked him to give to Harry and then hurried over to Harry's house. There was no car on the driveway so Louis guessed Anne must have gone to work. With one hand to hold up the books he used the other to ring the doorbell. After a few minutes of wait Harry had opened the door. Harry's curls were wilder than usual and his face was turned into a frown but turned to a small smile when he saw Louis. Louis offered him a small smile too before he cleared his throat.  
"Um the teachers wanted me to leave this for you so eh here." he gave Harry the books and Harry nodded.  
"Thank you and um Louis about eh yesterday. I'm really, really sorry. I said some mean things and you should just know that I didn't mean them and I had no right to say them. And I didn't mean to push you either I just freaked out a bit and I know that's no excuse but I'm sorry." with a shrug Louis nodded. He knew Harry and he would talk about that sooner or later but Louis wasn't really ready to accept the apologies. The words Harry had said were still fresh in Louis' head and his back still hurt a bit from getting pushed into the writing desk.  
Harry sighed and nodded too while biting his lip.  
"Do you want to come inside?"  
"No, I should go back to school. Um I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Louis asked and Harry nodded.  
"Yea sure." Harry smiled lightly and Louis nodded before he walked back to school with a sigh. He didn't want to go back to school but he didn't want to be alone with Harry either at the moment. Right now he wanted some peace and alone time and maybe some sleep. He hadn't slept at all last night because there was just too many things on his mind and well to put it frankly he was upset. It was not often he would admit that things upset him but yesterday's incident did. It upset him to hear all those things from Harry and that Harry hurt him, not only mentally, he pushed him too and then it upset him more than anything to know that Harry was hurting so bad so he had to hurt himself. Most of the night Louis tried to figure out what had driven Harry into self-harm but he came up blank, or almost blank. Maybe the Nick guy who Harry had talked about once had something to do with it. He also remembered what Harry had said back at the first party about how he had trusted the wrong people and got into a bad place while breaking himself down. Maybe he had been talking about his self-harm then. Things made a lot more sense after that and that also explained why Harry skipped P.E, he didn't want anyone to see. But there was still so many questions in Louis' head and he had no way to figure them out without talking with Harry. And right now he really didn't want to talk more with Harry. It had been hard just seeing him and Louis had no idea how to work this mess out but he knew that he had to start with talking to Harry. But right now he had to focus on what the teacher was saying so with a sigh Louis tuned out his thoughts and tried to concentrate.  
***  
His mom was watching him with a worried look during dinner and Louis did all he could to not meet her gaze. He talked with his sisters, asking them about their day as he pushed around the food on his plate. He wasn't hungry, or maybe he was but he had too much on his mind to eat. As his sisters finished eating he stood up with a fake smile and took his untouched food to the bin and put it in it. He dished his and his sisters plates and waited for his mom to give him her's but she didn't. She sat down on her chair and gave him a look that told him to sit down.  
"I have homework mom, we can have a chat some other time, okay?" Louis said hopefully even though he already knew that he wouldn't get out of this that easily.  
"No. You'll sit down right now and we'll have a chat now." with a sigh Louis sat down opposite to her and smiled lightly and fake.  
"What's up?"  
"Tell me what's wrong. I can see that something's upsetting you and you didn't even touch your food. You didn't eat yesterday either and I could hear you cry so tell me."  
"I just have a lot on my mind, I'm graduating soon and well school is stressful." it wasn't a lie, he was worrying about that too and he was more stressed than ever but that wasn't school's entire fault.  
"I can tell that's not what it is about. Now tell me why you were crying yesterday." his mom said sternly and Louis sighed deeply. Of course she would know that wasn't what upset him.  
"Harry and I had a disagreement, okay? And he said some things in the heat of the moment. But we're all right now, I promise." that was a lie though, they weren't 'all right'. Louis was still hurt from what Harry had said and Harry was far from all right too.  
"Harry's Anne Coxe's son, right?" Louis nodded slowly "She's nice, I've met her a couple of times. But if you and Harry are all right now then why weren't you eating?"  
"Wasn't hungry." she gave him a sceptical look and shook her head.  
"You didn't eat dinner yesterday either. You haven't eaten much at all ever since Mike ra..." she silenced herself as she realized what she was bringing up and Louis looked away before he stood up.  
"Are we done talking?" he didn't wait for an answer and went up to his room, slamming the door shut behind him and laid down on his bed.   
Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the wait :)x


	17. Chapter 17

Tomorrow didn't get better. Louis didn't fall asleep until early in the morning and then overslept so he missed half of his first class. He was standing by his locker and taking out the books he needed when the door to his locker got slammed shut by Stan. With a loud sigh Louis turned to him.  
"What do you want?" he hissed.  
"I want my friend Mike back but you kind of messed that up faggot." Louis rolled his eyes.  
"For your interest Mike was just as much of a faggot as I." With a quick movement Stan pushed Louis against the lockers.  
"Don't you even dare to call him that." Stan's voice was filled with rage and Louis couldn't help himself from smirking.  
"What? You called me one just 'cause I'm gay but you know Mike is gay too. So if I'm a faggot he has to be too."  
"You're literally begging to get beaten, you little shit."  
"No I'm more of a talking kind of person but I'd actually rather be in math class than talking with you so that says quite a lot."  
"Would you ever just shut up!?"  
"No, I don't think so." Louis smirked big and Stan pushed him harder against the locker.  
"I don't understand why Mike ever even liked you! You're stupid, annoying, ugly and fat! You're just a waste of space!"  
"Wow, I can feel the love." and yes, of course Louis knew he should just shut up and take it but he didn't want to. He didn't want Stan to think he could just stand there and insult Louis. Louis wasn't going to let him do that. It resulted with a hit on the jaw but Louis kept staring into Stan's angry eyes, trying not to think about how he had stared into Mike's and seen the same look of anger. Though Mike's gaze had been filled with lust too, which Louis could happily say that he didn't see in Stan's gaze.  
"Hey! Is there a problem here!?" Harry screamed before Louis even had noticed him walking over. Their first class hadn't ended yet so Harry must have left early. Without even thinking about it Louis let out a breath of relief.  
"No there isn't. Tommo and I were just talking." Stan let go of Louis and Louis gave him a sarcastic smile.  
"Good talk Stan." Stan snorted before he walked away. Louis rolled his eyes before he turned to Harry with a soft smile. Harry was still glaring at Stan's back which was soon out of sight. "thank you."  
"Anytime. What did he do, are you hurt?" Harry asked worriedly and eyed Louis.  
"Nah, I'm fine. He was mostly talking, don't worry."  
"Then why do you have a bruise on your jaw?" Harry's tone wasn't accusing, just sceptical and Louis sighed.  
"He managed to get one punch, it doesn't even hurt. I'm fine, really." clearly noticing that Louis didn't want to talk with it Harry sighed and changed topic.  
"You weren't in math class. Thought you wouldn't come today."  
"I overslept, didn't hear my alarm."  
"Ah okay." the conversation ended and an awkward silence laid over them. The awkward tension stayed between them almost the entire day and the other lads noticed of course and tried to make them talk with each other but they only talked with short sentences and the lads soon gave up.  
***  
After lunch Zayn dragged Louis over to the bathroom and closed the door behind them.  
"Okay spit it out."  
"What?"  
"Why aren't you and Harry talking? What's up with you guys?"  
"Oh, um we kind of got into a fight."  
"A fight? Why? How bad?"  
"Pretty bad, Harry ended up crying and I left."  
"You left him crying? Louis..."  
"He told me to leave, okay? And I tried to stay, I really did but he pushed me and I just didn't want to stay anymore."  
"He pushed you!?"  
"Calm down Zayn, it wasn't that bad. It didn't hurt."  
"I swear, I will kill him if he ever hurt you again."  
"Zayn. I'm fine."  
"No you aren't! You've stopped eating again and I can tell you haven't slept much! Don't think I don't notice." Louis sighed in defeat and nodded.  
"Okay, I'm not fine but it's not Harry's fault. I messed up and he had all right to be mad at me. And also my mom has already talked to me about this."  
"Your mom? Did she make you feel any better thou?" Louis shook his head and Zayn sighed.  
"She kind of brought up Mike again and then she realized what she said. So she rather made it worse than better."  
"I'm sorry. But why did Harry push you, what did you do?"  
"I can't tell you, I don't think he wants you to know. But I tried to make him talk about something that he clearly didn't want, then he said some shit about me and Mike in like the heat of the moment and I still didn't leave so he pushed me."  
"I'll kill him."  
Zayn, don't."  
"He had no right. You tried to help him and he fucking pushed you. What did he say about you and Mike? Have you told him about the whole thing?"  
"Yes I've told him and Zayn I upset Harry, okay. He didn't mean what he said."  
"That doesn't make it more alright, now tell me what did he say."  
"He more or less said that Mike was right when he told me that it was my fault, but Zayn you have to understand that..-" Zayn had left the bathroom before Louis could finish speaking and Louis rushed after him. "Zayn wait!"  
Zayn kept walking and then grabbed Harry by his shoulder where he stood talking with Liam and Niall. He pressed him up against the locker and Louis rushed up to them.  
"How fucking could you!" Zayn yelled and Harry stared at him with wide scared eyes. A few heads turned their way.  
"Let him go Zayn." Louis pleaded but Zayn shook his head.  
"No! Tell me now Harry! What made you think you had the right to do that to Louis!?"  
"I..nothing. I didn't mean any of it." Harry whimpered and Louis tugged at Zayn's arm.  
"C'mon Zayn, let him go."  
"You better not have! You had no fucking right! You weren't there when it happened, or right after. You have no idea what the fuck happened! You weren't there before and not after. You had no right to say that to Louis."  
"I know and I've said I'm sorry." Harry said looking close to tears.  
"Sorry won't cut it." Zayn hissed and Louis groaned.  
"Stop it Zayn. It's alright." Louis tugged on his arm harder but Zayn shrugged him off.  
"It's not alright. It'll never be alright. No matter what you said to Harry before. He had no right."  
"No he hadn't. I know Zayn but I'm fine so let him go. Harry has said he's sorry. Just leave it." after a moment of silence Zayn sighed and let go of Harry who gave him a thankful but still scared look.  
"You won't get away with this an other time. So make sure there wont be a next time." Zayn warned him and Harry nodded.  
"It wont be a next time." Harry reassured him and Zayn nodded.  
"Better not be." Liam and Niall were still staring wide eyed at them, not really understanding what just happened. Louis knew Zayn would fill them in later.  
"I think I'll head home now." Louis said and Zayn nodded.  
"But you have two classes left.." Liam said but Zayn gave him a look that clearly told him to shut up.  
"Bye guys. See you tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I haven't read this through, sorry for any mistakes) Merry Christmas everyone, hope you have a good one :) please leave a comment or kudos, thank you :)x


	18. Chapter 18

The day after Zayn's attack on Harry was weird. Everyone was quiet by the table at lunch time and you could feel the tension. Louis sighed deeply and rolled his eyes at his friends.  
"Okay guys stop it. This tension is just awkward. Talk with each other." Louis exclaimed and they looked at him in surprise before Niall started giggling.  
"What an ice breaker." soon the others joined in with the laughing and Louis shook his head with a smile. They were weird. Conversations soon filled the table and Louis smiled while talking with Zayn. Harry was talking with Niall and Liam and Louis couldn't help but glance at him every now and then. He looked tired or more like drained from energy. He looked like not even a year of sleep could make him any less tired. With a sigh Louis turned his attention back to Zayn and nodded along to what he was saying.  
***  
"Louis, could we um could we talk?" he had a choice. Either he could go home alone and keep ignoring the conversation he knew Harry and he needed to have, or he could talk with Harry and get things back to normal. He could choose and he knew what he needed to do. He had to talk with Harry.  
"Yeah, you can come home with me if you want." Harry smiled hesitantly and nodded. They walked in silence but it wasn't awkward, they both had a lot on their minds and were thinking about what they should say later. How they should say it and when.   
Finally they reached Louis' house and Louis called out a 'hello' as they entered and Louis' mom soon came in view. She smiled but then she saw Harry and her friendly look turned into a kind of glare. Louis sighed and rolled his eyes at her. She didn't even know what happened, she had no right to be mad at Harry.  
Harry said a quiet Hello to her before they walked up to Louis' room and closed the door behind them.   
"Sorry about her, she doesn't even really know what happened." Louis said with a sigh.  
"It's okay. It just shows that she cares a lot, same about Zayn. I thought he would kill me."  
"So did I. His a bit overprotective, really, and I'm sorry he jumped on you like that yesterday."  
"It's okay, not your fault. I deserved it." Harry said and Louis shrugged. They were silent for a moment before Harry sighed. "I guess I should tell you now then..."  
"You don't have to, if you really don't want to. I don't want to pressure you into talking. It's your choice."  
"I want to tell you, I do and you deserve to know." he was silent for a moment. "I told you earlier about Nick and about how he went behind my back. Well he had loads of friends who we hung out with, both in school and outside. They had a different vision about life and how you should live it. They had something the called 'A honest path' like if they didn't like something they would tell you straight out about it. If they didn't like your clothes, hair, family, other friends or if there was anything they could complain about they would tell you. Because they said that was what built a friendship and a relationship. I was never really good at telling people if I didn't like their shirt, because I only thought it was mean to say so. Nick on the other hand was always honest about everything he didn't like with me. He told me lot of shit about me and my other friends, about the other people I loved like relatives and such. He would always point out every single flaw I had. I was never good at taking criticism or handling the stuff they said " he took a deep breath "The group would also, if there was someone from outside our group, that talked shit about someone in the group, they would like search the person up and either destroy something they liked or hurt someone they loved. Never hurt the person who insulted someone in our group, they would only hurt someone that the person cared about. Because that was worse than someone hurting the person itself. No one really dared to talk shit about our group because they knew the consequences. I was never a big fan of what we did and I told Nick this but he never cared, he would only point out something he didn't like about me and then say 'I don't like that but I still stay with you, right?' and I couldn't say anything against that. So like I got to hear about things that were bad about me from all my friends and my boyfriend and it just broke me down. I couldn't change all those things about me and I don't know. I started cutting to ease the pain but in all honestly I just made it worse. Then after a few months I found Nick snogging someone else and I left the group. I had already left my other friends because Nick didn't want me to have them so I was alone. I never spoke to my mom or my sister anymore either. I felt so alone and I think I managed a week after summer break started before I broke on real. I..." Harry sighed and shook his head before continuing "I tried to end it. I overdosed on sleeping pills but my mom found me and called an ambulance. She started looking for a new school and I spent the summer in kind of a camp for troubled teens."  
Louis was looking at Harry with wide eyes and a lump in his throat. He had had many ideas of why Harry had been cutting, but this had never crossed his mind. He could never have imagined this.  
"I...that's...that's awful. If Zayn, Liam and Niall would have reminded me about all my flaws all the time....I..that's so sick. I don't think I would have lasted a day. Shit Harry." Harry only nodded and sighed. Louis watched him closely as if to try to figure out how he felt now. He had tried to end it, Harry, one of the strongest person Louis knew, one of the nicest, cutest, funniest person Louis knew. He attempted suicide less than a year ago.  
"I...I don't know what to say Haz. I'm really glad you didn't succeed and I'm so sorry for how shitty your friends and Nick treated you."  
"I don't want your pity Louis."  
"I'm not pitying you. What you went through was awful but as you told me 'Everyone is fucked up in some way.' We all have something that is dragging us down." Louis said and Harry nodded.  
"Could you hug me?" with a nod Louis moved over to Harry and hugged him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, Harry's past. Thanks for reading, please leave a comment/kudos :)x


	19. Chapter 19

That weekend they all found themselves sitting in Niall's basement, talking, laughing and playing video games. Liam and Niall were sitting close and holding hands, Zayn was sitting on the floor in front of the Tv, playing with Harry who sat next to Louis on the couch. It felt natural and a few hours later Niall's dad bought down some pizza to them. Louis could feel Zayn watching him as he ate and then looking over to Harry, silently understanding that they had worked everything out. Zayn was still a bit distant to Harry but he wasn't making a big deal out of it.   
Out of nowhere Liam groaned loudly and Louis' first thought was that Niall had done something sexual to him but Liam sat up straighter.  
"I have like a ton of homeworks to do." he finally said and Louis laughed silently and nodded, agreeing that they had a lot of homeworks.  
"Yea, how many words did the history paper have to be?" Harry asked.  
"At least 3000 words if you want to get an okay grade." Liam answered and Harry nodded.  
They talked a bit more about homeworks and shitty teachers before Harry announced that he had to go and Louis left with him.He was trying not to treat Harry any different and he think he made quite a good job out of it, because what Harry had been through and how he had acted didn't really change Harry as person. He was still one of Louis' best friends. He was still Harry, with the curls, dimples and wonderful laugh. Louis sighed to himself and his thoughts and smiled lightly. He really did like Harry, a conclusion he had come to many times since Harry moved here, but it was still a thought that scared Louis shitless. He had messed up with Harry many times this far, like when he kissed him at that party. Why did he even do that? He knew he would screw up, so just why? Why couldn't he have kept his feelings inside, ignore the fact that Harry had looked so beautiful. Harry who had told him to stop thinking so much. It was Harry's fault, Louis decided now, Harry practically told him to just let go, it wasn't Louis' fault that he was attracted to Harry, heck it was impossible not to be. Who could resist those curls, green eyes and long torso. It wasn't fair.  
"You're thinking a lot right now." Harry stated as they walked in silence and Louis snapped out of his thoughts with a small blush.  
"Yea, just remembered some things."  
"Bad things?" was it bad things?   
"No, not really. More like things that I think I'd like to do again." he would like to kiss Harry again, he really would. Maybe not right now but sometime in the future.  
"That's good?"  
"Yea I think so." Louis said with a smile and Harry nodded and offered a small smile in return.  
"Would you mind telling me what you were thinking, just curious?" Harry asked and Louis could feel himself blushing deeper. Should he tell Harry that he was thinking about kissing him? Would it make it weird between them, because that was the last thing Louis wanted. To mess up further than he had already done. But maybe it would turn out okay, he knew Harry liked him so maybe he would just make Harry happy by saying it.  
"I um I actually thought about you and that one time we kissed." Louis said quietly and he swear he could hear Harry smirk.  
"And you'd like to do that again?"  
"Um yea, I mean like not right now but eh sometime." if possible Louis' cheeks grew redder and he heard Harry chuckle.  
"Well if it makes you feel any better I'd really like to kiss you too sometime." Louis smiled at him and nodded.  
"Good to know." they smiled at each other for a while before Harry almost tripped over a stone and Louis laughed loudly. Harry was now blushing but giggling along with Louis. They ended up walking the rest of the way holding hands. None of them commented on it and neither of them pulled away. It was when they reached Louis' house that they let go. Louis smiled at Harry and kissed his cheek lightly before he could change his mind. Harry smiled big and looked down.  
"See you on Monday?" Harry asked still smiling big and Louis nodded.  
"Yea, bye." he turned around and walked inside as Harry continued walking down the road. He had a big smile on his face and god, if he only could save this feeling for forever. He felt warm all over his cheeks hurt slightly from smiling so big but it was the best feeling he had felt in a long time.  
Later on he ate dinner with his mom and sisters, still with a big smile on his face. His mom didn't question it, afraid that if she would he might not smile like that again. The smile didn't leave his face as he laid in his bed later either. And when he fell asleep he didn't have nightmares or dreams he couldn't remember. He had dreams filled with a certain green eyed boy and dimpled smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! Less than nine hours until 2014 for me (and for some of you, I guess) Hope you liked the update :)x


	20. Chapter 20

The following week was a good week, if you'd ask Louis or Harry. They were both hanging out after school together and smiling more than usually. Their friends didn't question or mention it but they could see that something had changed between the two friends.

As usual Louis followed Harry home when they had finished school and they ended up sitting on Harry's bed with big smiles and a comfortable silence. That was one of the reasons why Louis classed Harry as a great friend, they could both sit silence and it wouldn't become awkward. 

It had almost been a week since Louis told Harry that he would like to kiss him again sometime. Maybe things should have gone awkward after Louis' confession but if anything they had just become closer. They hadn't took there friendship to a new level and Louis was starting to wonder what was stopping him, he trust Harry. He trust him in a way he had never trusted Mike but Louis had known Harry for many years before they shared their first kiss and started their relationship. Louis sighed, he really should stop comparing Harry with Mike. Mike was in the past now. He should probably talk with someone before he made a decision on this.

After Louis had eaten dinner with Harry and Harry's mom he walked home, Harry walking beside him just making sure Louis got home safely. It was quite cute of Harry Louis thought.

They reached Louis' house after a few minutes in silence and they smiled shyly at each other.

"See you tomorrow?" Harry asked and Louis nodded, placing a light kiss on Harry's cheek, loving the way Harry's cheeks tinted red. With one last smile Louis walked inside and called out for his mom. Jay came over and raised her eyebrows.

"Did you need anything?" she asked and Louis sighed, hanging off his jacket and walking over to the kitchen table, sitting down.

"I need some advice mom." he said and Jay sat down in front of him.

"What about?"

"I...I really like Harry and I know he likes me too but I just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to continue and Jay nodded.

"But you're scared, that's totally understandable Lou. What you eh what you went through was awful and..-"

"..- I'm not scared of Harry and what Mike did was almost a year ago now. I mean I can't give up my whole love life just because of  _him_." Louis cut her off, hating how anytime she mention Mike and what he had done she sounded like she was afraid of breaking Louis.

"It's been nine months Louis, things like that can take a life time to get over. But even if you like Harry doesn't mean you and him has to have sex, if you're not comfortable with it." Louis snorted at her and shook her head.

"I'm not talking about having sex with Harry mom! Not in the soonest time at least, I just want him to be my boyfriend and to be his."

"Then what's stopping you? If you like him then go for it, and I'm sure Harry would understand if you wanted to skip all sexual activities..." Louis stared at her wide eyed and shook his head.

"That's not what I'm worrying about mom! I trust Harry and just 'cause I was raped doesn't mean I'll never want to have sex ever again. I'm only eighteen mom." she winced as she said the word rape as if he had hit her and Louis shook his head at her. He sighed deeply and stood up. "Sometimes you act like you're more affected about Mike raping me then I am."

"Louis..." she stood up too. "You have to understand that for me, as a mom, I feel a big responsibility over what happened. I should have know Mike wasn't a good boy."

"He was a good boy though mom! He was nothing but nice most of the time and you can't say that it's your responsibility to make sure the guys I date are nice, I date whoever I want! You don't even know what happened, you've only read the articles and listened in court! You have no idea!"

"Do not use that tone to me! I know more than you think Louis! You cannot say he was a good boy when he took your virginity like that!"

"My virginity!? Oh my God! You thought I was a virgin up to that? Hell no, Mike and I had fucked a lot of times before that." Louis laughed and shook his head. "You have no clue, seriously."

"Then tell me how Louis, if he was your boyfriend who you've had sexual experience with how can you call it a rape then? You both loved each other and if you had given it to him once what said you wouldn't do it again."

"Are you serious!? I told him no but he kept going! He didn't ask me if I was okay, he just shoved in! They had to sew in my ass later on at the hospital! You call that okay!?" she paled as if she hadn't understood this before now and Louis shook his head again before rushing out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Angry tears ran down his cheeks as he walked quickly. How could she say that!? He had trusted his mom to at least take his side on this but now, almost a year later she questioned him about the truth in what he had told her. What the police, the hospital staff , the judge and Zayn's dad had told her.

He hadn't noticed where he was walking until he stood outside the same house he had walked to when he needed somewhere to go.He walked up and knocked at the door, trying to wipe his eyes but it was no use, new tears came streaming. A few seconds later Zayn's mom opened the door with a smile, her smile faltered as she saw Louis and she called out for Zayn. Louis stepped inside and tried to give her a grateful smile but he was sure it only came out as a grimace. As soon as Zayn saw him Louis was pulled into a tight hug and he sobbed onto Zayn's shoulder. When he had calmed down somewhat Zayn led him up to his room. Zayn closed the door after them and looked at Louis in silence. Louis took a deep breath before he met Zayn's stare.

"Mom is questioning me and what Mike did. I can't believe it Zayn! I told her I liked Harry and she started talking about how I didn't have to have sex with him and then she thought I had been a virgin until Mike raped me! When I told her I wasn't she asked me how it was a rape then! I don't understand! She acted like what Mike had done was okay because I had agreed to have sex with him before. She pretty much said it was my fault!" Louis cried out and Zayn hugged him tight again.

"It was not you're fault and you know that. What Mike did was wrong and your mom knows that too. She's probably worried about you getting hurt again."

"Harry wont hurt me..."

"He already has."

"That was because I provoked him, I thought you had dropped that by now."

"I wont ever drop it. But you trust him, yea? And you like him?" Louis nodded against Zayn's shoulder.

"Then I'm sure you'll work it out. He's head over heels for you." Louis snorted and looked at Zayn "It's the truth Lou, you might not see the heart eyes he gives you but Liam, I and Niall sure notice."

Louis smiled and sighed.

"Can I stay here for a couple of nights? I don't feel like going home."

"Anytime Louis, you're always welcome here."

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say I'm happy with this chapter, I can't put my finger on it but I don't like it. Anyway, thanks for reading please leave a comment/kudos :)x


	21. Chapter 21

A tall, blonde pretty girl was walking up to their table by lunch the Tuesday after Louis and his mother's disagreement. She was smiling sweetly as she spoke up.  
"There is a party on Friday night at my house and you are all invited. Be there by nine."   
Zayn nodded and Liam smiled at her. With one last smile she turned around and walked back to her friends. They started chatting immediately and glancing back at their table every now and then.   
"Are we going?" Niall asked and Zayn nodded.  
"Of course, it's Alice's party, everyone's going." he said and Louis nodded along. He had been to some of her parties and it was always great. She had good contacts which meant more alcohol, more people and better music. Easily said you were not one to miss her parties, it was usually parties that would be talked about for weeks. And Louis knew it would be a great party even though he couldn't drink, it wasn't the drinking that was most important either way. It was the feeling in the room, the vibrating bas from the music, peoples happy and drunk faces. It was fun to watch.  
They talked about the party a while longer and decided that they were all going.  
"Hey Lou, are you staying at my place an other night or do you think you can go home?" Zayn asked suddenly and Louis shook his head.  
"I think I'll stay with Haz, if that's okay with you?" Louis asked and turned to Harry.  
"Yea of course, but why do you not want to go home?" he asked curiously.  
"My mom and I aren't going along at the moment and I don't want to go home just yet, probably tomorrow but we'll see." Louis answered with a sigh. He had talked with his mom after he left last Thursday and she had apologized but Louis wasn't ready to face her just yet. He had gone home and gathered some clothes while his mom was working but he had stayed the entire weekend with Zayn. Liam and Niall gave him knowing looks, they knew that if Louis and his mom ever fought Louis needed some time to cool off. Harry though didn't know and watched Louis with worried eyes before going back to his own food.  
***  
After school Louis was home at Harry's as they had decided and they were sitting on his bed.  
"Remember when I told you I wasn't much of a drinker? It's not entirely true, I'm not allowed to drink while I'm on anti depressive because it can ruin the affect or something. But I don't really like to drink either because hangovers are the worst" Harry said after a while of silence.  
"Mhm I'm not allowed to drink with my pills either. Doctor said it wasn't a good mix." Louis said with a lazy smile and Harry nodded.  
"Probably isn't. But parties can be fun without alcohol." Louis snorted at Harry and shook his head.  
"It's not the same thing but it's alright and I'm sure Zayn can probably fix something nice to us."  
"Like what? I'm not much of a smoker."  
"Nah me neither but he sometimes brings weed and shit." Louis said with a shrug and Harry watched him wide eyed.  
"Really?"  
"Yea, don't ask me how he gets it but he does." Louis answered with a small smile.  
"Oh, that's cool."  
Louis smiled at him and sighed before cuddling close to him. He rested his head on Harry's shoulder and he could feel Harry smiling at him.   
"You know, I've been thinking for a while and I think I want to give us a chance if you still want to..." Louis said unsurely.  
"You mean us as you and me together?"  
"Well yea, I really like you Haz."  
"I like you too but you're sure about this? I could wait longer if you want..."  
"I think so. I mean I've known you for quite a time now and yea I'm sure." Louis looked up and saw Harry smiling big and looking down at him.  
"Okay. So Louis, would you like to be my boyfriend?" Harry asked slowly and Louis' cheeks turned into a pink color while he smiled.  
"Yea I'd like that, as long as you'll be mine." Harry nodded and Louis sighed happily before resting his head on Harry's shoulder again. Things weren't going to change drastically after this, Louis knew, they would still be best friends just a bit more. Maybe they could share a few kisses here and there and go for some dates. Louis smiled at the thought. He had made the right decision, he was sure.  
None of them could stop smiling for the rest of the night and Anne gave them a knowing look during dinner that got both Harry and Louis blushing.   
Later when they had set up an extra bed for Louis and probably should be sleeping they found themselves curled up on Harry's bed while watching some old Disney movie. No one moved when the movie had ended either because they had both fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit short, hope you liked it though x


	22. Chapter 22

The day went fairly quick and of course the other lads picked up on the fact that something was different so Harry and Louis had told them together that they were dating and Niall had jumped up from his seat and screamed out a yes, which earned a lot of weird looks from their class mates. Zayn and Liam had silently smiled and congratulated them, Zayn giving Louis a knowing look and big smile. Louis couldn't stop smiling and at the last lesson of the day Harry slipped a note to Louis who sat in the desk beside him. Harry smiled nervously at him as Louis picked up the note.  _'Do you want to go out for dinner tonight? Like a date? Xx_ ' With a big smile Louis nodded at Harry. Harry got a matching big smile on his face joined with a small blush.

When the teacher finally let them go Louis and hurried to their lockers to get their stuff.

"Are you going home?" Harry asked and Louis shrugged.

"I think so, you'll come around later and we'll go for dinner?"

"Yea." Harry smiled and nodded and Louis giggled at him. They walked to Louis' house and Louis pecked his cheek before walking into the house. When he had taken off his jacket his mom came over to him with a surprised look.

"You're back?" she asked and Louis fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"I can go again if you'd like." he snapped and she sighed.

"I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean to make it sound like it did. I'm just worried about you and I never want to see you getting hurt again. I didn't doubt what Mike did to you, I know what he did and I'm sorry if I made you believe other ways darling." she said and bit her lip, a habit Louis also had. He always bit his lip when he got nervous.

"Okay." he sighed and smiled a little. "But you should know, I'm gong out with Harry on a date tonight, please be nice to him. Don't glare like you usually do, you'll scare him away."

She smiled and nodded.

"Alright, as long as you're happy and he treats you right."

"He makes me really happy mom." she smiled at him and they shared a quick hug before Louis walked up to his room.

***

He had changed his clothes eight times at least, no matter how cliche that was, Louis was nervous and he had no idea where they were going. He only knew they were going out for dinner but he didn't know if it was fancy or not. After lots of ifs and buts he settled for a pair of black jeans, rolled up at the bottom, a wine red t-shirt, his usual black ancle shoes  and a black leather jacket he was quite sure was Zayn's. It smelled like cigarettes and Zayn's perfume but it looked good on him, if Louis said so himself. He hadn't done much with his hair, just went with the tousled style and pushed it a bit to the side. He sighed as he gave himself a once over in the mirror and nodded to himself, it didn't get much better than this.

He picked up his phone and wallet and walked down the stairs just as his mom opened the door and Harry walked in. Harry caught his eye and they smiled at each other. Louis' mom greeted Harry politely and wished them a good night as they walked out.

"You look great." Harry said and eyed him up and down. Louis could feel his cheeks heat up and smiled shyly.

"Thank you, you too." and he did, Harry was wearing a pair of black jeans too but they were much tighter than Louis', he had a white shirt with the first three buttons unbuttoned and a cross neckless, over it all he had his usual brown jacket and his boots that would have looked silly on anyone else.

They held hands as they walked to the bus stop, no one of them had drivers license or money for a car yet. Their plan was to take the bus to the city and than go to some Italian restaurant Harry had picked, claiming that their pasta was heaven.

The bus trip was short and uneventful, they were silent for most of the time, only smiling and blushing when they got eye contact. They arrived at the city after a ten minutes or so and walked with linked hands to the restaurant.

The waiter smiled at them as they walked in.

"Hello boys, have you reserved a table? If not I'm afraid you'll have to wait." the waiter was a pretty girl in her mid twenties, she had blonde hair, clear green eyes and freckles on her nose and cheeks. Not really the type of look Louis had thought someone at a Italian restaurant would work at but who was he to judge.

"We have a reservation under the name Styles." Harry said and smiled at her. She nodded and looked down at the papers.

"Right this way then." she smiled and lead them up to a table for two by one of the corners. She handed them a menu each.

"What do you want to drink?" she asked and Harry smiled shyly.

"We'll take some red wine and water."

"Are you old enough?" she asked with a playful smile and Harry blushed lightly and nodded. They showed her their license that said that they were eighteen and she nodded and smiled. "Alright, it'll be right up." she walked off and they smiled at each other before looking down at the menus.

"I think I'll take the pasta with pesto sauce." Harry said after a while.

"That sounds good, I think I'll try the pasta with tomato sauce and basilica." Louis said and Harry nodded.

The waiter came back with their wine and water and took their orders before she disappeared again.

They talked about their classes while they waited for their food. It came half an hour later and smelled delicious. They thanked her and she left once again.

"This is so good." Harry said with a moan that got Louis blushing, he couldn't help but think of how Harry would sound in bed if he could make a moan like that over some food. But Louis understood when he tasted his own, it was amazing.

"Fuck." he swore and nodded, he had never tasted a better pasta. Harry smiled at him and put some more food on his fork and held it over to Louis so he could taste. Louis tasted hesitantly, he had never liked pesto that much so he wasn't surprised when it was no difference this time. He made a grimace and swallowed it, no matter how good this restaurant was he would never like pesto. Harry laughed at his reaction and smiled.

"Guess you aren't a big fan of pesto." Louis shook his head.

"Not really, you wanna taste mine?" after Harry nodded Louis scooped up some food on his fork and fed him with it. Harry nodded in approval.

"This is really good."

***

They said good night outside Louis' house and shared a quick kiss that left Louis warm inside, the date had been perfect and god neither of them had been this happy before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a fluffy chapter, hope you liked it :)x


	23. Chapter 23

"This is the day guys, are you excited?" Niall asked as they sat in Zayn's basement, waiting for the time to go. The party would begin in a couple of hours but they wouldn't go right when it started, they'd wait at least half an hour. Because that was how they had always done. Waited a while so the party could start and then drop in unnoticed.   
"Hell yea." Zayn answered and Liam and Harry nodded in agreement.  
"What about you Lou? You're usually the king of the party, aren't you excited?" Louis snorted and tried to calm his nerves, he didn't know why he was nervous but he had been ever since he woke up this morning. It felt as if something was wrong.  
"I can't drink young Nialler so it's not the same and I don't know I have a bad feeling over it all." he said and they all shot him some worried looks.  
"Why? Is something wrong?" Liam asked and Louis shook his head.  
"No not at all, I just have a bad feeling, I've had it ever since I woke up. It's probably nothing." Zayn nodded slowly and Harry kept looking at him worriedly before taking Louis' hand in his own which earned a shy smile from Louis. He could feel himself calming down already, Harry just had that effect on him.  
"Is that why you weren't eating at lunch? Because of the feeling?" Harry asked carefully and Louis shrugged. He hadn't eaten much to lunch, he was too nervous to.  
"I guess." Louis said and sighed, he wasn't even hungry. He probably should be since he hadn't eaten much at all today.  
They kept talking about random things and Harry was stroking his thumb over Louis' hand which had a calming effect on Louis. He smiled at Harry as Harry talked with the other lads.  
"But why is she throwing the party? Is it just a spontaneous thing or is it for something special?" Harry asked and the others shrugged.  
"Maybe it's 'cause we only have like three weeks left in school?"  
"I don't know, some said it was a welcome home party to her cousin or something, no idea really." the nervous feeling came back and Louis could feel worry growing in the pit of his stomach. He had always been the type of person to get a stomach ache whenever he worried or stressed over something. Harry seemed to notice his discomfort and pulled him closer.  
"Are you alright?" he whispered while the other lads talked with each other.  
"I don't know." Louis answered truthfully and Harry nodded.  
"We don't have to go to the party if you don't want to.."  
"Are you joking? This is the party of the year Haz, if we miss this we'll miss everything." Louis answered and Harry shrugged.  
"I'd rather cuddle with you and watch a movie." Louis smiled at that.  
"Same, but this is probably the last party of the semester so we'll go." Harry nodded and kissed his forehead.   
"You guys look way too tense, you want something to calm your nerves?" Zayn asked suggestively and Louis smirked, knowing what he meant.  
"Really Zayn?"  
"Really Louis." he confirmed and took out a small paper bag from his pocket. Niall laughed and Liam shook his head.  
"You really shouldn't, it's not good for you." Liam said and Louis rolled his eyes at him. Zayn ignored him and threw the bag to Louis.  
"Pass it around." he said and Louis nodded before taking out the joint from the bag.   
"Lighter?" Louis asked and Zayn threw one to him. Louis caught it and lit the joint before inhaling the smoke, feeling his nerves calm immediately as the smoke made its way to his lungs. He looked up at Harry before giving it to him.  
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Louis reassured, not wanting Harry to do something he didn't want. Harry smiled before taking a deep whiff of smoke. He held it in for a moment before he blew it out in Louis' face slowly. They passed the joint between the five of them until they finished. They were all a bit high as they walked the short distance to Alice's house. The party was blasting when they arrived and they smiled at each other before walking in, Louis and Harry still hand in hand.   
Harry and Louis lost Zayn, Niall and Liam in the crowd of people hours ago, the weed was wearing off and Louis could feel himself growing nervous again but he ignored it and stayed close to Harry who was laughing and drinking ordinary soda. That was something Louis was happy with, that he wasn't the only one who couldn't drink. He knew that if Harry had been drinking he would be too, no matter what his doctor had told him. He didn't want to be the only one sober and Liam didn't count, 'cause well Liam was Liam and he was always sober (only getting high sometimes with the others). Louis had always been one to fall for the peer pressure but he did usually say no if it was something he really didn't want to do. Maybe that's why Mike hadn't stopped, 'cause he was so used to Louis saying yes that he didn't think about it when he said no. Louis pushed the thought away, he didn't want to think about Mike. Not tonight, tonight was about enjoying a party with his boyfriend. He smiled and looked over at Harry, his boyfriend, Louis was sure he was never going to grow tired of knowing that Harry was his boyfriend. It felt so unreal and good.  
With a sigh Louis let his gaze wander, he didn't recognize everyone but he saw all guys from the football team and there...there was someone with them. Someone Louis could never forget. Louis swallowed loudly, a sound that wasn't heard over the loud music. Their eyes met and suddenly all Louis could see was his deep brown eyes. And shit Louis was sure his heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening to Joel Faviere's new album Dark days, you should check it out. Please leave kudus/comments thank you for reading :)x


	24. Chapter 24

It felt as if they stared at each other for hours, it was probably only a matter of seconds but it felt as an entirety had passed when Mike finally started walking towards Louis. Louis was frozen, he couldn't move at all and Harry noticed. He turned to Louis and shook his shoulder lightly but Louis could only focus on the lad walking towards them. He had grown since last, he was at least five inches taller than Louis now instead of two, his dirt blonde hair was shorter cut and he was skinnier than he had been. The only thing that was the exact same as it had been when he had left was his eyes. Dark brown. Like chocolate. Louis had always thought of chocolate when he had seen Mike's eyes, melting chocolate with that warm and sweet feeling. Now though Louis couldn't see it, it was just a pair of dark brown eyes that had stared into Louis' blue ones while he took all he could from him. A deep breath later and Mike was right in front of them with a charming smile.  
"Fancy seeing you here Lou, long time no see, yea?" he said and smiled while looking at Louis. Louis swallowed deeply, his mouth feeling dry and it was suddenly so hard to breathe.  
"I don't believe we've met before, I'm Harry." Harry said but Mike didn't turn his gaze from Louis. His lips only turned into a small frown as he studied Louis' face as if to find out who Harry was to Louis.  
"I'm Mike." Louis was sure he could hear Harry gasp as he recognized the name. Seconds later he was being dragged out of the house, leaving a laughing Mike behind. It was too much, Louis couldn't breathe. Not even now as he and Harry was out on the street in the fresh air. Louis' breaths were uneven and he could feel tears streaming down his face. Because no, this couldn't be happening. Mike couldn't be back, not now when everything was okay again. He just couldn't.  
His lungs were starting to hurt as he finally caught Harry's gaze. Harry was holding his face in his hands and talked quickly.  
"Calm down Louis, you have to breathe, calm down please." he rambled and Louis tried to take a deep breath but choked on it and started coughing weakly. He couldn't breath, he was going to die, he was sure of it. This was it. Louis shut his eyes tightly and tried to breathe through his coughs and sobs he hadn't realized he was letting out. The feeling of dying always came to Louis when he got his panic attacks, when he just couldn't breathe and it felt as if everything around him just stopped. In those moments he was always sure he would die.  
"Please Lou, stay with me. Inhale..." Louis took a short breath in. "Exhale." he blew out the air. "In." deep breath. "Out" blow it out. "In....out...in...out...that's it Louis...in...out. Good." they continued for a while longer before Louis' breathing was under control again. Even though his medicine had been working great up 'til now it couldn't prevent the attacks when they got this bad and sudden. Harry dried Louis' cheeks with his thumb and smiled sadly.  
"Thank you." Louis whispered feeling dizzy after the lack of air.  
"Anytime, now lets get you home and we'll work this out tomorrow, alright?" Louis nodded and Harry took his hand in his own again before starting walking towards Louis' house slowly. Louis' head was spinning as they walk but he knew he couldn't go home like this. His mom would worry and ask question which was something Louis really couldn't take right now. He needed a blanket and some tea in a silent room. That would be perfect but his mom wouldn't let him have that.  
"C-can we go home to you?" he asked shakily and Harry squeezed his hand.  
"Of course, anything you want." Harry assured and Louis nodded, focusing on walking. He was so dizzy and his lungs still hurt.  
They walked up to Harry's room when they arrived at his house. Louis sat on his bed with a duvet wrapped tightly around him as he waited for Harry to come back up with the tea. Harry's mom had been asleep when they came but Louis could now hear her's and Harry's hushed voices talking from the kitchen. He knew they were talking about him but Louis couldn't find it in him to care. His mind was elsewhere. Why was Mike here? Was he already back from jail, it hadn't even been a year. If Louis had been the Judge he would have never let Mike back to the community, at least not close to him again. Was Mike going back to school? Would Louis have to face him every day for three weeks? He wouldn't fix that, Louis couldn't do that. He wasn't strong enough to do that.  
Harry came back up with the tea and gave Louis a cup before sitting down next to him. Without meaning to Louis moved a bit further away, he saw a flash of hurt flicker through Harry's eyes but Louis couldn't be that close to him now, he couldn't be touched. Not now, not when Mike was so close. They hadn't even broken up, what if Mike still thought they were dating? Louis sighed and pushed the thought away, he wouldn't date Mike ever again.  
"I will get the extra bed, be right back." Harry said and left the room again, Louis nodded and looked down at his hands. They were shaking and he had spilled some tea onto the mattress, he placed the tea on the nightstand and closed his eyes. He was so tired. He laid down as he waited for Harry to come with the other bed and closed his eyes again.   
When Harry came back a few minutes later Louis was already asleep.


	25. Chapter 25

The next day Zayn came over and held Louis tightly while Harry was down and making some food. Louis hadn't moved from the bed since yesterday and he had his head against Zayn's chest, counting his heartbeats.

"Liam asked around and it turns out that Mike was let out earlier than he should have been because of  _good behavior_." Zayn said with a snort and Louis nodded slowly. Mike had always been charming and never been a mean or bad person before he raped Louis. He had been one of the good and cool football players, with a bit of temper maybe. "But he wont stay at our school, his family has moved a couple of towns over so he'll go to school there. The only reason he's here is because of the party and he's going to the football match next weekend."

"So that's it?" Louis mumbled.

"Well he has all his friends here but I don't know. He wont bother you at least, we'll make sure of that." once again Louis nodded, not knowing what to say. Mike was back. That was all that he could think of. Mike was back and he could come here whenever he wanted, he could go and see Louis whenever.  _He was back._

"Are..are you alright?" Zayn asked after a while of silence. Louis shrugged and bit his lip. He wasn't okay. He would never be alright with having Mike in the same town as him.

"Not really but what can I do, he's back and that's it." Louis answered with a sigh.

"And that's it. You wont have to see him or anything you know, and if he bothers you we'll just call the police and try to get a restraining order. He wont ever touch you again, alright?" Louis smiled lightly and nodded.

"Alright."

***

Later the same night Louis had just stepped out from the shower and got dressed. Dinner would be ready in an hour, Harry had said before Louis showered. As he checked his phone he noticed two new messages, one from his mom asking when he would be home and the second from an unknown number.  **'Didn't really talk much yesterday Tommo, wanna meet up? ;)x /Mike'**  the message made Louis' stomach ache and eyes water again. He sat down against the wall and stared at his phone. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Mike knew he wouldn't want to meet up, he was just messing with him. Trying to get into Louis' head again only that Louis wouldn't let him. He wouldn't let Mike mess it all up again. With a sigh he opened his eyes again before typing back.  **'Nice try but no. Leave me alone.'**  he got a responds seconds later. **'Aww:( too bad. So that Harry guy is ur new boytoy?x'**  Louis swallowed hard and stared at the wall in front of him for a good three minutes, just staring, not even thinking it was as if his mind had left him. He typed back a reply.  **'Harry is my boyfriend, yes.** ' Before Louis could gather strength to stand up and pretend that the conversation never happened his phone buzzed again.  **'He's a pretty boy ;) but u can do better. X** ' The 'x' in the end of every message got on Louis' nerves. Mike had no right to send him 'x's he had no right at all. Only people Louis loved could do that. Mike had lost that privilege when he broke Louis' trust. 

Louis stood up and ignored Mike's message, putting his phone back into his pocket and walking out of the bathroom, trying to hide away from the mirror. He already knew how he looked, tired with dark bags under his red rimmed eyes. 

Harry sat on his bed when Louis got out. Without a word he stood up and walked over to Louis with worry in his eyes. He didn't say anything and Louis knew that Harry could see that something was up, more than the obvious. After a moment of hesitation Louis handed Harry his phone with the conversation Mike and he had had up. A new message from Mike was added  **'Ignoring me now? C'mon Lou we all know that u still want me. X** ' Louis winced as he read it and shook his head.

"I don't want him Harry." he whispered and Harry nodded.

"I know you don't, love. He wont come near you again." Harry said and hugged him tightly.

"Promise?" Louis mumbled against Harry's chest, feeling smaller than usually. Small and scared but safe in Harry's arms. Harry always made him feel safe now days. 

"Yes." they stood like that for a while longer before they pulled away and Harry kissed his forehead.

"Dinner's ready." Anne called from downstairs and Harry sighed.

"You'll be alright and he wont bother you more. Just ignore him and if he keeps texting you we call the police, alright?" Louis nodded and took a deep breath before smiling lightly.

"Alright."

They went downstairs with linked hands and sat down by the table with Anne. She smiled softly at them.

"Everything good?" she asked and Louis forced a smile while Harry nodded. Mike being back really drained Louis, drained him from all energy he had and made happiness harder. But as he caught Harry's gaze he couldn't help but let a real smile slip.

Dinner was eaten in silence but it wasn't uncomfortable even though Louis mostly just pushed around his food on the plate. He was sure it tasted great but he couldn't eat. 

Anne was already like a second mom for Louis and she loved him dearly. They had clicked right when they met just like he and Harry had.

When they finished Louis had eaten about half the amount he usually would. He didn't understand why he couldn't eat when he was upset but his stomach always protested when he tried to eat while his mind was running. His mom was the same though and she used to joke and say that their head sat in their stomach. Some people got a headache when they worried and overthought things but their worry always settled in their stomachs. 

They went back to Harry's room after dinner and Louis ignored Mike's texts and sent one to his mum  **'Don't know when I'll be back, I'm staying with Harry'**  He texted so she wouldn't have to worry. The news about Mike had probably spread by now. 

He smiled lightly at Harry when they were brushing their teeth later. He was so lucky to have someone like Harry. A small smile spread on Harry's lips as their gazes met and Louis knew then. He would be alright. No matter how close Mike was, he had Harry and Mike couldn't take that from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is comming to an end, it might be like three parts left, not sure yet. Hope you enjoyed it, please leave a comment/kudos :)x


	26. Chapter 26

He was right about that as long as he had Harry he would be alright. Louis went back to school on Monday with Harry and there was no trace of Mike, well no more than people whispering behind Louis' back again as they had right after summer. They were trying to see how Louis was handling knowing that the one who raped him was back, but it didn't really matter. It didn't change much school wise. Sure Louis felt more scared than usual and he made sure that either Niall, Liam, Zayn or Harry were around wherever he went, they didn't get bothered by it though they were more than happy to keep Louis safe. They had been afraid that maybe Louis would push them away now that Mike was back and they were reviled now that he hadn't, instead he only brought them closer.  
Things were kind of fine and there wasn't much left to do in school, just some final things and then they would be out of here to study what they really wanted. Louis had also changed his phone number so Mike couldn't text him more and they had contacted the police who would take a look on the situation and then decide if it was necessary with a restraining order or not. Louis hoped they would find it necessary because then he wouldn't have to worry about Mike coming too close.   
Harry had been an absolute angel ever since Mike showed up and helped Louis in a way Louis couldn't explain. Harry was there and it seemed as if he knew exactly what Louis needed and when. He could tell when Louis didn't want to get close and when he needed a hug. He knew when to keep distance and when to be close. It was weird and Louis couldn't be happier. He and Harry had only been together for a week but Louis was more comfortable than he had ever been with Mike. Even if he and Mike had dated for quite a while and were happy together most of the time it had never felt like this. It was stupid but Louis was almost sure he was falling for Harry but the look on Harry's face when he looked at Louis said pretty much the same thing so Louis didn't worry.  
It was after lunch that Louis bumped into Stan. Stan glared at him angrily and Louis only rolled his before continuing walking.  
"Mike wonders if you'll come to the game." Stan called out over his shoulder and Louis tensed. Niall turned around to face Stan.  
"Tell that shit face that he wont ever come near Louis again or we wont hesitate to call the cops you dick." Niall said and Louis saw how people turned to see what was going on. Louis sighed and looked down, hating the attention he was getting. Niall noticed and slung an arm around Louis' shoulder before they walked away.  
***  
Almost two weeks later and they graduated. Louis hadn't gotten a restraining order for Mike because the police didn't see any reason for it. Louis could easily see Mike in the crowd of parents and relatives but he couldn't hurt him. Beside Louis stood Harry and held his hand tightly, Liam and Niall stood beside them and held hands too and Zayn stood with Perrie. It was warm outside and Louis was really happy to get out of this school for forever. It held many memories, both good and bad but they would be left behind now as a part of the past.  
What he would do next wasn't totally clear for him yet but in a few weeks he would get to know which universities he had gotten accepted to and he would spend the summer playing football for a club in London together with Liam before they had to part ways. Harry was also coming to London with him over the summer and they had found a nice flat that wasn't too expensive. Zayn and Niall would stay with them too for the summer. But after summer Zayn would study art somewhere in London at a University a quarter from centrum and Perrie would go with him to study design at the same uni, Liam would go to the U.S and study at some well known university where he had gotten a scholarship and Niall would tag along with him and take his year off. Harry would stay in London and study law and maybe music on the side, he still wasn't sure. Louis on the other hand still had no idea. He had come to sense that he really didn't want to study drama and there was nothing else that caught his interest either. He hadn't the best grades only a few A's and a lot of B's and some C's even a D. But the D was in P.E which he had only attended to like three times this years so it was a miracle he even passed that class.  
He wasn't sure what to study but he would decide when he really had to, first was summer break where he would play football and that was great. He hadn't played for a long time, sure he and the lads played in the garden sometimes but it wasn't the same.  
***  
After they graduated time seemed to travel faster than ever and suddenly they were all moved into a big flat in London. They had it rented for the summer and the football team Liam and Louis would play for was paying a bit of the rent. Harry had a job at a small bakery down the street and Zayn was working on his drawings and Niall had a part time job as a waiter at a restaurant close by.  
Summer was great fun and all of them kind of wished it could last forever. They knew that when it was over they wouldn't see each other as much as they were now. Liam and Niall would move to The States and therefor they wouldn't see each other that much, they could Skype but that wasn't the same but they promised to get home by Christmas. Perrie and Zayn would move into their school dorms and weren't allowed to bring people who didn't attend at the school into the complex. Harry and Louis was looking for a flat that they could move to since neither of them were keen on the idea of sharing a dorm with someone they didn't know. They hadn't even decided what to study yet so they thought it was for the best to get a flat somewhere in London.  
Their future wasn't clear but the five of them had decided that no matter how much distance there was between them they would never let an other go. They had each other through this and that was it.  
They would always be best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter, there will be an Epiologue up soon. Thank you all for reading this story. I've tried to make it as realistic as I could but I have no idea how the British law really works nor do I know a lot about the school system. I'm from Sweden so I've taken a lot from how it works here. Well either way, I hope you have enjoyed the story, I've really liked writing it at least.


	27. Epilogue

After summer things didn't really go as planned. Harry kept his work at the bakery and the two of them moved into a small flat close to the University where Harry would study law. Louis though got offered a scholarship on a football academy in London after playing during the summer, he took the offer of course and now he was studying the basic subjects that everyone had to study and football. He was still playing for the team he had with Liam during the summer and made some money every time he played a game.   
Perrie and Zayn had started at their school and things were great for them. Liam and Niall did move to the U.S but broke up before they got there, they were still friends and on great terms but they weren't dating anymore.   
Harry and Louis was still going strong together and Mike hadn't bothered them ever since they left Doncaster. Everything was good and they were happy. There was one big problem though and that was that Harry really hated his classes. He didn't find them pleasant in any way and often came home upset and left in the morning dreading the time he had to spend there. He was getting sad again and Louis tried his best to cheer him up and it worked as long as Louis was with Harry. But Louis couldn't help him when Harry sat in school or were at work or when Louis was at his own school or playing a match. He couldn't always help Harry and he hated it. He hated seeing Harry sad.  
Half way through autumn and Harry decided it was enough. He dropped out of school and cried for a week straight, no matter how hard Louis was trying to make him smile. It got a bit better after that and Harry worked now full time at the bakery, he still wasn't a hundred percent happy with his situation but it was better than sitting hour after hour in classes he didn't care about or understood.   
It was during Christmas break that things were really clearing up. Harry had used the Instagram app a lot since he loved photographing and he had over a thousand followers. One day a magazine had contacted him and asked if he could take some Christmas pictures and send to them so they could use them in their paper. Harry had been jubilant over the opportunity and taken about fifty photos with his camera and sent to the magazine. A week later they released the magazine with Harry's photos in a collage and paid him a fair amount of money. After that Harry got requests from lots of companies that wanted his service.  
***  
Years later and Louis is twenty five and Harry twenty four. They've had their ups and downs and broken up numerous times but ended up together again in the end. They've had sex countless of times after their first when Harry had just turned twenty one. It had taken Louis a lot of courage to trust Harry with it but after their first time it just came naturally and Harry was sweeter in bed than Mike had ever been to Louis. Louis knew that Harry would never hurt him in that way and soon it wasn't that much of a big deal anymore. If anyone had asked him if he ever would trust anyone in that way again the summer Mike had raped him Louis had laughed and said that it wouldn't happen. But it did and Louis was happy it did. He was still a bit insecure times to times but he wasn't scared. He trusted Harry and that was all that was needed.  
Harry had his relapses and times where he couldn't fight the itch to cut and couldn't escape the darkness that sometimes took over his mind. But in the end it was all alright because Louis was always there to kiss him and hold him while he cried. They worked it out together and Harry had been clean for over a year now with only a few times he had felt like cutting. Louis couldn't be prouder of him if he tried.  
Harry was now a pretty famous photographer in England and he worked for The Vouge and did some other services here and there when he wanted or got the offer. He had quit his job at the bakery but came there once a week every Wednesday to talk with the other workers.  
Louis had been signed by Barnet FC and sure, it wasn't London's best football club but it was a start. The greatest with it was that Louis got payed for doing something he loved and it was great fun. Everyone was nice and accepting, they knew about Harry's and his relationship and they still treated him as anyone else and Louis loved it.  
Perrie and Zayn had gotten married and had had a small spring wedding with Louis as bestman. It had been great and Louis was really happy for them. Liam and Niall had moved back to England again but still weren't dating. Liam had found a pretty girl, named Danielle who was a dancers and got along with them all. Liam had ended up as a Doctor after uni and had passed his classes earlier than he should have but he had always been smart so it wasn't really a surprise that he became one of England's youngest doctors. Niall had ended up going to university for a few years after his gap year but dropped out and started a band with four Australian guys. They were fun and pretty successful even though they hadn't gotten their big break through yet. Niall still hadn't met someone he wanted to settle down with yet but had dated a few girls and guys after Liam and he ended things.  
They were all still friends and Louis felt really happy and lucky to have them in his life. They were more than he could wish for and they were always there for him. It was amazing and Louis had never enjoyed life as much as he did now. It was as close as perfect he could come.  
***  
Add five years more and Louis is thirty, he and Harry is married since three years. Louis is still playing football but now for Chelsea and makes more money than he could ever dream of. Harry also makes lots of money with his photographs and life is great. They have more money than they know what to do with and owns a nice house with a big loft. Louis has always loved lofts and still can't believe that he has one in his house. They've adopted a young girl with pretty brown eyes and dark curly hair. They named her Cara Tomlinson Styles and she is so small. Only a year when they got her and they love her dearly.  
Their relationship is pretty acclaimed in media and they are almost as famous as the Beckhams, something that Louis would never understand. But people find his and Harry's relationship cute and strong. They're strong for being out, people say but Louis couldn't think of it any other way, he would never be able to hide what he and Harry has. He isn't ashamed and if people disagree with his love life then that's their problem. He loves Harry and they can't change that. Harry feels the same and even though some of the media's comments makes him want to creep into a hole and never be seen again he stays up. He stays with Louis because none of the things they say matters when he has Louis by his side. There will always be people who doesn't like what he does and even if he had had a pretty girl by his side people would have said bad stuff so Harry sucks it up and turns away from people who disagree. They don't matter in the end.  
***  
So that's how their lives turned out. A small family including themselves, their daughter and their friends. It might not seem like much from the outside but for Harry and Louis it is everything. There were times where they felt as if nothing would be okay and there was a time when Harry even tried to end it all. It feels as a lifetime away and Harry doesn't even wish he could go back and change it. Because out of all that shit he found Louis and more importantly he found himself. He stopped trying to be as others wanted him to be, he started being himself and stop listening to what people had to say about that. He learned to love himself and stopped trying to be good for others and started being good for himself.   
That's what life is about; finding yourself and learning how to love who you are. Not trying to be good enough for someone else. If they love you they will take you as you are and not care about your flaws. They will love you for who you are and the first step is to be yourself. You don't have to love everything about yourself but you have to accept it and keep up. You are enough for someone and even if you can't see it today you will see it. It can be years from now but one day you will see. And everything will be okay.

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this, it was my first chaptered story I posted here :)x

**Author's Note:**

> Well I wanted to start a new fanfic so this is what I did. Sorry if it sucks, this is also posted on my wattpad account AgnesTomlinson


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